Willing (Five Minute Friday)

Welcome to Five Minute Friday. Where a great big flash mob of brave souls deliver wonderful words for you to read. All on the same prompt, but never are two stories the same. Come join us!

The rules are simple.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat. No editing, backtracking, overthinking. Just write.
2. Link up here with the gang.
3. (The MOST IMPORTANT RULE!) visit the FMF Neighbor - the one who linked right before you - and leave a bit of encouragement for them. That is the heart of our community.

And here's my 5 minutes on:
WILLING.

There's a lot of talk about willing - are you always willing to do what God asks? Every time? Right when he asks? It's a popular sermon thought, and a theme throughout the Bible. And I like to think that I am. But deep down, sometimes I know, I am not willing. At least not if He asks me. Which is why sometimes I think instead of asking ... He tells me.

It's sort of like parenting. I learned (ok, sometimes I forget) to TELL the kids to do something if I didn't want to hear them tell me no. If I asked "will you please clear the dishes?" they could say no. And it would be on me, because I ASKED them. So instead, I say "S, please clear your dishes from the table." Now it's a command, and then there's no room to object - at least without consequences.

And so it goes with me. The Lord asks me to do a lot of things - and that's all well and good. But I am certain that if He had asked me to take a walk down the path of divorce, seeing my family torn by an extra-marital affair, and asked me to be gracious through it. To show the love of Christ to her. I would have said no. Really, who would volunteer to do that?! Not me.

BUT. He didn't ask me if I was willing. He allowed it to happen. (Don't mistake this for God bringing the divorce about Himself. He wouldn't do that. BUT He does let things happen, and there are consequences when folks make really lousy choices.)

And for days, weeks, months, YEARS, I fought tooth and nail, on my knees begging for it to be anything other than that conclusion. And still here I sit. And now, 4+ years later, I can see the good in it. The Lord has carried me through times harder than I could ever have imagined. And that's exactly why He didn't ask if I was willing. I would have thought it impossible to survive. To come out the other end with my heart healed, my faith stronger than when I went in, and a journey of grace that I never could have dreamed possible.

My unwilling self would have missed the opportunity to be a healing mentor. To show other women walking this same path, or a similar one, that God can indeed work even the awfulest of things for His Glory.  So my unwilling self on this occasion says "thank you" for making sure it was a command - a command to follow Him, and to do what is right, with grace. Even if . And Especially if. I wasn't willing.

Stop. 
(sorry, I ran over. confessing for all to see, I broke rule #1 this week)