Not Marked

Welcome to my first crack at a book review. I won't do this justice, I'm afraid, as my words can't even begin to unlock description of what I learned reading Mary's book. But, in fulfilling a promise I made, I am continuing my journey - and so forging a new path with this post.

Mary DeMuth's book, Not Marked is intended to provide hope - to help on a journey toward healing after sexual abuse. I agreed to read this and write a review because I know survivors. And I know people who know survivors. But I don't always know how to interact with them when I learn parts of their story. It's sometimes awkward. It's often a difficult subject to broach. And depending on where the person is in their journey of healing, I'm afraid I might hurt (unintentionally) rather than help.

What I learned was eye opening. And heart awakening. And mind boggling. I anticipated finding wisdom about how to help others on their path to healing after having been sexually assaulted (whether as a child or an adult), and there is much of that within these pages. What I did not anticipate was how widely applicable this is to other stories - to other survivors. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Divorce. Abandonment.

Not Marked is a reminder that while your past shapes who you are, that same past does not have to define you. What brings us all to today does not have to dictate where we go tomorrow. The book offers helpful tips to navigate through your story - how to share, with whom to share, and how to find a safe place in which to share. But it also coaches spouses and loved ones of survivors. How you can BE that safe person. How you can encourage your partner / friend to open up as much or as little as they want, in their timing.

The unique perspective Patrick [Mary's husband] brings encourages not just the partners, but the survivors as well. I particularly like how he adds comments at the end of each chapter so you can see them in context. If it was a whole chapter of "the spouse's thoughts" I think it would be lost, or glossed over entirely. In the midst of each step of the journey you gain insight into the other half of the picture. For survivors in a long term relationship and struggling with healing, I imagine this is encouraging - to know another couple is successfully navigating the waters. For the spouses of the survivors - to see that someone else is feeling what you've felt and that you are normal. And to also offer constructive, practical words of advice for how to take the next step.

"Forgiveness is a deliberate decision but it's also an ongoing choice. Forgiveness isn't glossing over or forgetting. Forgiveness is beautiful and powerful because I do remember." ~Mary DeMuth

So much of the book jumped out at me - as readily applicable to my own journey of life after divorce. I was surprised. But the path to healing as a survivor, whatever the circumstance, can be very similar. Forgive those who wronged you. Don't let the circumstance mark you forever - seek the path to overcoming and living without the label. Seek grace - compassion - kindness.

"Each snippet of healing helps you become salve to those who are earlier on their healing path." ~Mary DeMuth

If you're walking a journey of recovery - of healing - from abuse or some other life changing event, there is much to be learned from reading Mary's words. If you're in the midst of loving someone - a friend, a sister, a spouse - who is recovering, there is much to learn about how to encourage their journey to wholeness.

My outlook has changed since reading Not Marked, and I am encouraged  to add what I've learned to my journey forward.

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Mary’s main website is MaryDeMuth.com — Your Life Uncaged.

Not Marked is on Amazon — paperback is here; ebook is here.