Surprise!

I'm from a small town in New Jersey. (note this is not really a SMALL TOWN as some others would describe their towns. But felt small to me. Everyone knew each other mostly and that was good). In High School I joined the marching band and met a girl. She and I hit it off right away and became fast friends. Best friends. She was a senior and I was a freshman. She was as much as big sister as she was a friend. We made lots of fun memories for the whole year. And the summer after. And then she went away to college. Not very far, but I could not drive and she didn't come home every weekend (which was good. because you're supposed to go away and find yourself or something).

So, because this was back in the dark ages of no cell phones and long distance phone bills and NO EMAIL (heavens this makes me sound old.) ...we wrote. Long, long letters and some short ones. Cards and pictures and more letters. Some weeks we wrote every day and some weeks we skipped but there were shoe boxes full of letters before we were done.

And there was the ball. The friendship ball. It was a silver ball, about the size of one of those Christmas balls you can buy in the shiny colors. It was hinged, and had a reddish tassel on it. (I didn't remember the tassel at first.).  I had read a story somewhere, or maybe my friend had.  In one of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books. You know, the ones that make you laugh, and weep? The feel good and sometimes heartbreaking ones? Yeah. Those.

So, the idea with the ball is that one friend would tuck a surprise into it, and mail it to the other one. And then eventually the recipient would find a something and send it back to the first. We passed that ball back and forth a lot. Little candies and some notes and pins and I forget what all went in there. Not with every letter, but just sometimes. Sometimes for Christmas, and sometimes for birthdays. And sometimes just because. That ball went back and forth for years.

Eventually I went away to college, too. Farther than where she had gone. And then she got a job in a small town in Delaware, which was still closer to home than I was, but not really home. And then as things go, I met a boy. I got married. She was my maid of honor. I've never been happier to have her standing beside me. I moved away, because that is what an Army wife does.  We wrote, but less often now, as life got in the way. My fault, really ... I let things slide. The ball ... well that stopped showing up eventually, but we still wrote. A few times a year plus Christmas cards.

Email existed by then... but somehow with us, email just didn't work. It didn't feel the same. Years and years of pen on paper felt stale to me when seen on a screen. I labored over those letters and the time spent writing with a pen ... finding just the right card to say I miss you or whatnot ... that meant more to me than typing.  So the letters were fewer, but the Christmas cards still happened. Then she met a boy. He's a gem.  And she got married. I was delighted to be in her wedding. That was a fun day. A fun weekend. Every time we got together, it was like we were never apart, though we saw each other so seldom those years. That weekend was hot and sticky and we stayed up oh-so-late icing the wedding cake together. and laughing until we cried. That's my favorite part - how we laughed so hard together. EVERY SINGLE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER.

The wedding was lovely and the groom - that guy is so very good to her, and for her and I am glad to call him a part of the family. I moved closer - but not really close enough to visit and life was still in the way. I had a couple of kids. And life was busy. My marriage fell apart... eventually I wrote to tell her what was happening but it was hard. Sharing makes it real and I didn't want to admit it was real for a very long time.

She and her husband became foster parents. And then there were so many kids - so many wonderful kids. He's on facebook (hello facebook, thank you for the connection) so now I could see pictures of all those sweet girls.  And I wrote once in a while, and she did too. But still not as often as I would have wanted. And the phone - we just didn't call. By now we certainly could, but we didn't. The letters held me together all those years.

And then one Christmas when I didn't have my girls, I stopped to say hello. We visited for the first time since her wedding I think. I hugged those kids and hugged her neck and we cried. and laughed. We had a great visit and I promised to stop again soon. But life.  So I did not.

And then she had one of those milestone birthdays.  (The one I will have next year). And her husband threw her a surprise party. He invited me and I went. WOO WOO! Drove up. Couldn't stay as long as I wanted, but got to go and hug her neck and meet the next crowd of darling little girls. And we visited. Chatted. Caught up. Felt like no time had passed even though it had been way too many years. And then I headed home. With promises that we would keep in touch better. Except we didn't.  Christmas cards were about all we managed. A note in the cards, but that's all.

And then a few weeks ago I was out. And I saw this card. I was shopping for something else but I saw the card and I thought of her and I missed her hard. My heart hurt with how much I missed her. So I bought the card. I wrote a note. Stuck it in the mail before life  got in the way again.

And then today.  Today I found a shoe box on my doorstep. Mailed from her house. And inside it was a letter like the old days. 4 long front and back pages. I had asked her to tell me all about her 4 darling girls. And she obliged. And now I know them a teensy bit better.  Now when I see the photos on the facebook page I can imagine what it took to get them ... how they would have assembled themselves or why #3 would be doing something so very different in the same picture when the rest of them are all focused on one thing. I read the letter twice. And then I realized it had come in a shoe box. Hello. a letter fits in an envelope. Why the box?

There was tissue paper and newspaper crumpled up in it. I pulled the first few pieces out, smoothing them to make sure there wasn't some point I was missing with the paper patterns. And then it hit me like a flash. The long forgotten friendship ball. IT WAS IN THE BOX.  I dug it out. And I cried. Happy tears with lots of memories.  My 10 year old was watching me ... "mom, what IS that?" So I told her the story of how we passed it back and forth over the years.  How long, mom?  I stopped to think... We've been passing that ball back and forth since roughly 1991. So 24 plus years that ball has been moved.  It's been dormant a LOT of years.  But tonight all the memories poured right out and filled my heart up.  And when we opened it, inside were 3 beautiful bead necklaces.  That her girls had carefully made - one for each of us. My 7 year old asked about keeping the ball - and we filled her in on the story.  Oh, mom! Then we must send it back!!

And tonight my girls drifted off to sleep dreaming of treasures for us to send to the 4 little girls in her house. Daughters of their mama's best friend.  The ball is now tarnished and worn ... the tassel is thinner than I remember it.  Faded but not whitewashed.  Ours is a friendship that has faltered ... but not failed. And tonight- is a little bit stronger than yesterday.

the friendship ball

necklaces for all of us