Learn (Five Minute Friday)

The end of this summer marks the completion of 6 full years of walking the single parent road. The separation / divorce I didn’t ask for is now just a part of my life. Last week I had the opportunity to learn just how far I’ve come in that time. 

It used to hurt when people asked what happened. I dreaded being asked “where is your husband?” I cringed when someone asked the girls why their daddy wasn’t with us. But slowly the pain has faded. I no longer fear being asked. 

And this was made evident last week. A friend’s daughter asked, as kids often do, “where are S&A?” when I was at an event alone. I replied “they’re with their dad today and I get to pick them up tonight.” She responded “Oh.” Then she was quiet a minute. Then she asked “Wait. Are they all at your house waiting for you?”  I continued: “No, they’re at their dad’s house. They come back to my house tonight.” And then she asked “Does their dad not live with you?”  me: “no, he lives with their stepmom and little brother.” Her: “Wait. They have a brother and he is not your baby?” Me: “Correct.”  Her: “What, does their dad not like you anymore?”  (Her dad interjects here to try and get her to stop with all the questions.  I said it was ok to continue)  Me: “yeah, I think he didn’t like me too much any more”.  Her: “that’s dumb.  You and S & A are fun.” <end conversation>

A few years ago – not too many years ago , in fact – this would have upset me a lot. I could have probably held it together and managed to sneak away before bursting into tears. In the first few years, I would not have even made it through half of that exchange before I would have excused myself. But last week? It was OK. Kids just ask what they are thinking and wondering, and just call it like they see it. They don’t intend to hurt, usually. And I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I wasn’t phased by the conversation at all. Sure, it’s still a little pang, as the circumstances by which my ex “decided he didn’t like me anymore” are rather lousy. But, gone are the days of this making me an emotional train wreck. So, thanks my little friend, for showing me that it really is ok to talk about it – all of it – and that my heart is back in one piece.

Posting as a part of Five Minute Friday. You can read the posts on the prompt “Learn” here at Kate’s place. (I am a week late so the link up isn’t open). The link up for this week coming soon J