The Extra Mommas

We do a really, really good job at celebrating the moms in our lives for Mother's Day. My mom is one of the most amazing women I know, and I am so thankful for the blood, sweat, tears, and love that she poured into my brother and me.  I also had two incredible grandmothers who lived until I was well into my 20's and a great grandmother that I was lucky enough to share close to 11 years with.

My girls have me, my mom, their other grandma, and now also a stepmom and a step grandma, and we love them and teach them and encourage their little hearts to grow into big hearts. That's a lot of great mom power loving on my kiddos.

But as I sit here tonight, I am thinking of the not-mom moms that my girlies have as well. The aunts, and the almost aunts. The baseball aunts and the neighbor aunts and the church aunts. We don't call them all aunt, but that is the role they fill ... and in my view aunts are just as important as moms. These ladies didn't give birth to my girls but they love them as if they did.    They often have special names ... and those of you who don't have a special name yet ... just wait. You will.

You love on my kids and hug on them and teach them. You listen to them talk and ask a million questions. You answer them patiently, sometimes long after my patience has run out. You share laps and nachos and ice cream cones and popcorn. You share laughter and hugs and tears and smiles. You share baseballs and pencils and bobbleheads and blankets and rain delays. You carpool and give snacks. You teach them Bible verses and you demonstrate compassion. You cheer their success and you encourage where they fall short.  You put your actions where your words are and your heart where your actions are ... and you make the words "it takes a village" ring true in my life every day.

Single mom mode is hard. And you all step up to the plate every day to make it easier. To fill in where I can't and to supplement even what I can ... to help my girls become better little people everyday. Because of you, our lives are richly blessed in ways I never could have imagined.  

THANK YOU. 

To you: Miss Michelle, Aunt Michele, Miss Lisa, Angry Piggy, My Little Pony Lady, Mrs "Mr England", Butterfly Glasses Lady, Miss Kristy, Miss Keyona, Miss Anna, Miss Dianna, Miss Lisa, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Caron, Aunt Betsy, Aunt Linda, Miss Melissa, Miss Kathleen, Miss Beth, Aunt Jill, Miss Jocelyn, Miss Dorie, Miss Julee, Miss Julie of the gross orange shoes, Miss Virginia Beach Stefanie, Miss Tammy, Aunt Erika, Miss MaryAnn the cat lover, Miss Trader Jennifer, Miss Lainey, Miss Laurie, "the other" Miss Laurie, Miss Susan with the great hair, Miss Renie, the dance Miss Leslie ...  

and to the countless other women that I failed to list here:  to you who love my children EVERY SINGLE DAY  ... from the bottom of my heart, Happy Not-mom Mother's Day to you. I celebrate and salute you. 

Whole (Five Minute Friday)

Welcome to another edition of Five Minute Friday: the online blogging community where we get a prompt, write for 5 minutes flat (no edits / no backtracking) and then link up together and encourage the others who write alongside us.

Join  us here at Kate's place.

This week, the prompt is WHOLE.

We have been waiting the whole offseason for this: the return of baseball to our town. The Nationals opened Monday on the road in Atlanta and Thursday afternoon at home here in DC. The countdown has been on since the season ended.

We had the perfect storm of everything on Thursday tryin to derail our game plans. This mama and my 2 girls would have none of that. We were GOING to get to this game. We had to leave later than we planned because A had her school performance that day. They do 2 shows during the school day (she did both) and one for parents at night (I went to the afternoon show and we skipped the night one. Her dad was away and I videoed it and it did not count for her grade in the evening). So on we go to baseball .

First adventure: TRAFFIC.  We were stopped awhile so I got this lovely shot of the Washington monument. We drive by it on the way to nearly every game. usually traffic is moving so we only see it. But this day we got to park. And photograph while we waited. 

We normally arrive WELL BEFORE the game, so we can see the opening day festivities. there was a flyover (we saw it standing in line at the gates to get in). There was a big flag on the field (friends got lovely photos). The Clydesdales were there (the kids don't even know this, because I didn't want the whining that they missed it). BUT: we made it to our seats before first pitch. I will count that as a WIN.

the view as we waited for the teams to take the field

 We had 1 1/2 innings of crazy. Marlins jumped out to 3-0 lead. Nats tied it up in bottom of the first (thank you Daniel Murphy). Then after 1 1/2 innings the skies opened up. Downpour. Hail. So fun. (not really. except we made it that way). We scrambled for cover ... the girls chose the landing zone. The bathroom. Of course. There was space ... and we were not *in a stall* - there is room to hang out. Of course we had just gotten our dinner, so yes, we ate pizza in the bathroom. It was dry, we were safe, the pizza was delicious and some friends came to hang with us in the bathroom. (Of course the ladies room, so some other friends were disappointed that they could not join us. I will plan better next time. Of course, we would rather not have a rain delay, but anyway...)

Then we came out and hung out under an overhang with some more friends and then the skies behind the park started to clear. And we were treated to a beautiful rainbow. A loved it so much she would not even turn around to smile for the photo. She had a point...

The grounds crew cleared the tarp and got the field ready to resume the game. And the skies cleared and the runs resumed, and the night grew cold. The Marlins were ahead 6-3 and then Bryce Harper hit a HR and it was 6-4. Somewhere in there we got ice cream, even though it was about 25 degrees colder than when the game had started (because when you have waited since October for ice cream at the ball park and you are a kid ... you get the ice cream anyway) 

after the storm

being silly (AKA how we roll all the time)

then it drizzled some more. and was windy. and the kids were TIRED

 The game went on, later than planned (thanks rain) and the kids grew tired. A (the little one) started begging to go home. S said "mama, we stay the WHOLE game. And she's right ... 95% of the time we stay for the whole game. But little sister was exhausted from her day, and it was well past bedtime at the end of the 7th inning ... and look at this face.  So we left, much to S's chagrin.

But, just before we headed out, an old friend from my Vanderbilt band days stopped by ... 20 years later we are still repping our school with pride, and enjoying our newly shared love of the Nats as well.

While we didn't make the whole game, we had a whole day's worth of fun packed into the time we had. And we will be back Saturday ... and many days after that. Because the season is new and we have a whole summer of fun ahead of us.

Have You Considered

I got into a somewhat combustible conversation today. It was about the election (surprise, surprise. Seems to be a lot of that going around). Lots of frustrated words flying and lots of perspectives crossing right past each other, no common ground.

Anyway, then I had this thought. Too long to tweet in one entry, and too important to me to risk the separate tweets not being strung together in the correct order or taken out of context.

So ... here it is:

When you see an article or video that relays something that purportedly was done to, or said to, or said about a woman ... by any candidate, or any member of their staff ...

before you speak your opinion, do you consider what if that woman was YOUR mom/wife/sister/daughter/girlfriend?   Do you think: "If it were someone close to me, would I still take the position I am taking? Would I still say the words I am saying?  Would I still say that woman was acting out of line, inapporpriately, overstepping bounds, asked for it, etc."

If you would ... if you would have the same view whether it was your mom or not, then by all means, carry on with whatever you have to say.

But ... if you would not... if you think to yourself: "if that was MY sister, or MY daughter, I would never say what I have been saying (or was about to say)" ... then perhaps you should pause. Rethink your comment. Because that woman ... EVERY woman ... is someone's mom/sister/wife/daughter. She deserves the same treatment you'd give, and want shown, to your own.

Surprise (Five Minute Friday)

Time to pause for 5 minutes and share ... 5 minutes on SURPRISE.

My girls left last weekend for spring break. 10 days with some combination of daddy, stepmom, grandma, and grandpa... and zero days with mom. 10 days is a long time and I miss them something fierce. Tonight is night 7 and I am thankful that we are almost at the end.

My oldest, S, had run back into the house before we went to school in the morning and then as we walked she made sure to tell me:

S: mom. will you go to the bathroom today?
me: umm, yes. I go every day? Don't you?
S: yes. but mom. you need to go to your bathroom. up all the stairs to your room.
me: why that one?
S: there is a SURPRISE for you mom. On the counter. Make sure to check on the floor in case the kitties moved it
me: ok ...
S: you will see mom. It will be easy to tell.

Dropped the kids off, and then made sure to visit that particular bathroom when I got home. Sure enough, on the counter was her new bracelet - that she'd gotten that week from Nana for a St. Patrick's Day trinket. With it was a note:

dear mom: please wear this bracelet every day we are gone. We will miss you a lot and this way you can remember us every day during spring break. I love you, Love, S

And so, as we approach the end of Day 7, I am thankful for a bright green elephant bracelet, and kids to miss, and that they miss me and make the time to know that this is hard but OK when we are apart.



Linking up with Kate and the Five Minute Friday crowd here. Join us. We'd love to share the community with you.

Share (Five Minute Friday)

(The five minute friday rules: write, unedited, for 5 minutes. link with the group at Kate's place (see bottom), and then read the post before yours and leave some encouragement for a fellow writer. Join us!)

 
Go.
I got some news last week that made me sad. Made my heart hurt. And then later on I read some news articles about the election. And those, too, made my heart hurt. There is a lot of hate and anger and negative energy and name calling happening. I grew up around politics. People used to hold protests in my front yard for crying out loud. The disagreements go back as far as the existence of people really. But I don't recall (granted, I am only 39) this level of flat out ridiculousness.

And so with this week's prompt I am going to share some thoughts.

Just because you and I don't support the same candidate does not make one of us right and the other one wrong. We can disagree and still have a healthy dialogue - about issues, about choices, about candidates, about the direction in which we should go. And at the end of the day , we can still be friends.  Different perspectives is part of what makes the world better. If everyone had the same opinion about everything life would be dreadfully boring. There would be nothing to talk about.

BUT ... talk. Discuss. No need to yell, shout, threaten, and belittle. I am trying to teach my kids to do better with this, and I need to do better with this, and in fact everyone needs to do better with this. You don't need to convince me to join your side. And if you do, or if you even want to try, here's a little hint: yelling at me isn't going to do it.

Unrelated to politics, but very related to talking: sharing is part of what we are all here for. Grieving: call a friend and share a cry. Get terrific news: call a friend and share your squeals of delight. Have a hard day - don't isolate yourself. There are people who will listen. Whether it's listening to you talk about whatever happened, or listening to you talk about anything but what happened. Or go, sit with someone, cry on their shoulder or get a hug and just sit in silence together. Something. Anything. Find a place to share ... because if you try to walk through life 100% alone, eventually something (big ... or small ... or small but it feels big because you can't see around/past/through it) will hit you that you can't do alone. Can't face alone. Or just can't bear to think about alone. When that time comes, I pray you have someone to share with, or someone to talk too. There's a hotline. There are people ... friends, neighbors. co workers. counselors. family.

Find someone. Share something. Call for help. Someone will be there.

Stop.

Resources for help

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Or go here and click to chat.

Someone is there, ready and waiting to help you.



Sharing as a part of the Five Minute Friday community hosted by Kate. Join us there every week.

Forgiveness

I saw an article today about how Bryce Harper has forgiven Jonathan Papelbon for "the incident", but questioning if the fans have done the same.

I've been wrestling with this for months. Having a player choke another player on the same team (or anyone really ...) is TERRIBLE. Inappropriate, unprofessional, assault ... call it what you want, it's just lousy. The player who was choked said they worked it out and it's ok moving forward. But ... the incident happened in the dugout. And was caught on TV. Not excellent. The fans were in an uproar. Myself included. After all, if I choked someone at work because I was annoyed with something they did, or did not, do, I would be fired in a hot jiffy.  And I was mad the Nationals didn't do the same.

He was suspended (rightly so, in my opinion), and he already had a reputation for being a jerk. There were public incidents towards fans when Papelbon played for the Philadelphia Phillies and whatnot. I was not excited when he came to DC, but I tried hard to give him a clean slate, let him prove that he wasn't the jerk the media made him out to be. And then he confirmed my worst fears when this happened.

Now I had a player on the team - the team my girls and I love - who was a bad example. I know we can't expect people to be perfect. And we can't place athletes on a higher pedestal, because they are just people, after all. So, we had quite a few conversations - my little girls and I.

They included things like "mama, why would Pap hurt Bryce? Is he OK?"

to which I responded "Yes, he is OK, and it is never right to touch someone when you are mad at them."  

Kiddo reply: "Oh, mama, you mean like when we [sisters] fight – how we should use words, not hands?"

Right.  That.  And then later, when Pap made his apology to Bryce (and the article that came from there) ...

"Mama, that was good that Bryce forgave him. Should we do that?"

And I responded that we need to try. That Bryce was setting a good example by forgiving and moving on to the new season. But I didn't try really hard.

And a few weeks later, one asked me "Mom, why is Pap still on our team? He was so mean. Can't we trade him or something? Why are the other guys gone ... like Jordan (Zimmermann) and Desi (Ian Desmond) and Craig (Stammen) but the meany guy is here?"

Setting aside the nuances of free agency and also not the same position / same role ... I didn't have a good answer for that. Frankly I wanted him traded and I didn't care what we had to do in order to make that happen because I was steamed.

Flaming mad, actually, because of this quote "My mistake was doing that in the dugout in front of a camera," (whole article)

But today, I saw the new post. And someone asked "if the players have, why can't the fans?"  And my immediate reaction was that Pap had never apologized to the fans.  Yes, he apologized to Bryce ... but we ALL saw it. The fans in the ballpark; everyone watching on TV; and later everyone with internet access or ESPN or anything ...the clip was everywhere. Choke-holding the MVP doesn't really get by under the radar when it's caught on camera.

Then someone asked if the fans deserved an apology. I don't know that we do. But the quote from above ...  "My mistake was doing that in the dugout in front of a camera" …THAT made me mad. You should be sorry you DID it. Not just sorry that everyone saw it. Not just sorry that it happened on TV. To me, the where was not important, the WHAT is what mattered.

And then I was reminded of my real life. The one outside of baseball. Where I learned that forgiveness is not for the offender ... it is for the one who was wronged. My ex-husband had an affair. I found out. Eventually I told him that I knew. And he told me he was sorry that I found out. To this day, he has not apologized for his actions - for the hurt it caused, for the eventual consequences that we are all still living with. He just said he was sorry that I found out.

We've worked through it; he's moved on - new wife, new family. He's great with my girls and they all love my kiddos a lot. And for a long, long time I wrestled with forgiving him. How could he do that to me? To our kids? To our family? And then eventually I did some soul searching. What was I gaining from still holding a grudge? From still being angry? Nothing, really. I finally reached the conclusion that forgiveness does NOT mean the same thing as forgetting. And it does NOT mean the same thing as condoning the behavior.  It just means that my heart could stop reliving the anger and the frustration every single minute of the day. I could stop spending so much time thinking about someone who was so hurtful. I could start to heal.

And then I was able to forgive him. I still have some hurt feelings. I still wonder why he did it. I will never condone the behavior because it's cruel and wrong and I have seen first hand what it did to me and the decisions we have to make with our kids every day. BUT.  I was able to let it go ... even though he never told me he was sorry. Move on. Start a new chapter. Function on my own and not be torn up about it all the time.

My kids ask about their dad and why he doesn't live with us any more.  "Dad made some choices and now our family looks different, but we both still love you with our whole hearts. When you are ready to talk about it more, you can ask daddy."  And we move on, and that works for them. The example is there. The behavior is there. And hopefully we've all grown enough now that the experience helps us make better decisions in the future.

And so, I reflect on that. If I can forgive him ... he who said to me "I am sorry you found out" ... for that personal hurt, then why can't I extend the same forgiveness to a ball player I've never met? Yes, he's on my team. Yes, I disagree with his actions. Yes, I think it stinks that he's apparently (to us) only sorry that we saw it happen.

But. ... the team is ready to move on. So, too, should I.

So, Jonathan ... here I am. Ready to put it behind me. I hope that you choose to act in a way that's better in the future - I would much rather you be an example to my kids this year of "I did wrong but now I am doing right" than to repeat the same mistakes of the past. But, that's for you, not for me.

Forgiven.

Let's play ball!

Present (Five Minute Friday)

It's been nearly a month. I have missed writing. I have had a few Thursdays of crazy, however, every day hasn't been crazy ... so I could have made time. I didn't. Shrug. It happens.

Anyway, I will squeak in just under the deadline here, with last week's post on PRESENT.

(For a refresher, the rules of FMF are
1. Write on the word of the week: 5 minutes, no editing, typos allowed and encouraged
2. Link with the rest of the FMF community over at Kate's place
3. Visit and comment on the post of the one who linked before you. (and if you are an on time poster ... ha, not my strong point, consider coming back later in the week to love on the ones who post late. like me).


PRESENT

Go.
Last week we got hit with a monster snowstorm. Blizzard. Call it whatever you want. We've been in a mess for 6 days now. It started Friday at noon and didn't stop snowing until Saturday after I went to bed. 35 inches later (no, that is not a typo), the big dig out began. School is out. Until next Monday. (my brain cells are diminishing by the day ... we finally managed to get out of the neighborhood today. For the first time in a week).

neighbor 1 and his little playing on our path

In the midst of the storm ... I received 3 lovely presents. The first: a gift from my neighbor on the right. I shoveled before I went to bed Friday, but then while I slept the wind howled and the snow piled up. By Saturday morning, my front door was snowed in. With the storm door, I never would have been able to get out. He graciously came out and while clearing his sidewalk and steps, he came all the way to mine and dug me out. I am so thankful for the time he spent to make sure I could get out safely.

The second: more time from that neighbor AND time from the neighbor 3 doors down. Our townhouses have a yard behind them, and then a garage behind that. The garage door (the car entrance side) opens on to an alley. An alley which didn't get plowed until Tuesday at 10pm. Remember the 35 inches of snow I mentioned?  My wonderful sweet neighbors (after shoveling their own garages out) joined me Sunday afternoon and helped me clear mine. Shoveled right down to the pavement (WOOT!).  That was A LOT of snow to move, but with their help we managed it in just a couple of hours.

The third: my neighbor on the left. He recently had cataract surgery. We all took turns shoveling out his steps and sidewalk since he could not. He came over Monday  afternoon when the roads finally had *a little* progress and asked if we needed anything. What a blessing for him to return with a gallon of milk for us. Could we have survived a few more days without any more milk? Sure. But did it make it a million times easier to have some? Absolutely.

So ... in the midst of the crazy ... I am thankful for the present of wonderful neighbors. Folks who band together and help each other out. Kindness goes a long way.

Stop.

(Photos from the crazy).

not the final measurement. GOOD GRIEF

streets were untouched for days

the picket fence down the block (Saturday night)

my garage Sunday (before)

neighbor  2 helping

the garage AFTER (neighbor 1 and both his littles)

the pharmacy parking lot . we walked and then climbed it 

we also built snowmen. Life sized for all of us.

and we made a dugout with the help of another neighbor

and played snow baseball. because ... 21 days until pitchers and catchers, my friends!