Mess (Five Minute Friday)

MESS.

Most days my house is more a mess than not. But I can usually find what I need and the kids can too, and this is always a work in progress. Room to improve on the mess. Remove some chaos, find some order, finish mount washmore, and the like.

But my heart is thankfully no longer in the mess stage. At least not all the time. WHen everything was going on... when it was raw and new, when my ex left, and then I slowly unraveled the lies and the crazy mess that my life was becoming - with each new thing I learned my heart turned into a bigger mess. By the time I hit the bottom - the messiest place - it was like those days when I was a kid (and honestlly like my kids need even now) - when it just takes a big black trashbag and you need to purge and start again.

Black is important here. Kids can SEE in the white bags. They can see the scrap of paper with 2 marker lines that is their most precious creation of the last 30 seconds they colored, which may have been 3 days ago. Mommmmmyyyyyyy - how can you. throw. away. my. favoritest. art. EVER. Mean mommy, I am.

But that's exactly what they need. They can't even find their white paper to make a new creation because it is buried in the mess. That they won't let go of. And so it was with my heart. Buried in a pile of hurt and tears. Memories I wanted to keep and memories and moments I NEEDED to forget. To stop reliving every single day. The questions I needed to STOP ASKING. It was as if I was picking up the list on top of the pile. The why, where did I go wrong, how can I fix it questions. WHen what I really needed was to throw out that paper and start a new list. How do I get through today? What is good in today? What do I need to do next - for me, for the girls. What is the thing I need to do next. Not all the next things - not the long term plan. Just the next right thing.  And so at the bottom of my mess, the Lord grabbed a giant black trash bag, helped me pile all that mess in there. And then He tied it up, carried it out to the curb. And handed me a set of colored pencils and a brand new sketch pad.

Stop.

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