It's Friday. Or at least the day I can write before the next Friday. Time to stop for 5 minutes and write along with the gang. Want to join us? It's easy.
1. Set your timer. Write for 5 minutes on the prompt. No edits, no back-tracking, spell-check can be ignored. Just write.
2. Link up over here at Lisa-Jo's place.
3. This is the important rule: go visit the post of the person who linked up right before you. Read it. And leave them an encouraging note. THAT is the heart of the Five Minute Friday community. We'd love to have you be a part.
This week, we're writing about: CROWD.
When I was growing up, I always wanted to be a part of the "in" crowd. You know, the popular kids? The girls that have their act together? They're pretty, and smart - but not totally nerdy (I still don't know how they did that!) - and fun, and everyone wants to be with them, and be like them. And everyone LIKES them.
I had a great group of ffriends in school, and to this day a few of them are still my closest friends. The ones I call on when things are ugly. WHen I need a hug or an ear to listen - even when months go by and we haven't talked, that's where I turn for a friend first.
I went away to college (far away from home) so I could find myself. Needed to get out of my hometown. (Great place to raise a family - still is - but we;d lived there my whole life and my dad was super involved in the community so everyone knew who we were. EVERYONE.) So I wanted to go away where I didn't know a single soul. To learn who I was. Where there wasn't an in crowd, or any other clique, at least not right away. Where I wasn't already stereotyped into who I would be.
That falls into my top 3 excellent choices I've ever made in my whole life. I learned who I was, what made me tick. I found a new group of friends - a few more who now are in my closest circle of friends to this day. And I learned that it's not about being with a crowd. It's about finding the gem within the crowd - to pull it out and gather it close. To weed through the crowd and the chaos to find the ones who bring calm. The ones who block the crowd and bring the love.
Being on the outside of the crowd puts me in the center of love. Where I want to be.
Stop.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Willing (Five Minute Friday)
Welcome to Five Minute Friday. Where a great big flash mob of brave souls deliver wonderful words for you to read. All on the same prompt, but never are two stories the same. Come join us!
The rules are simple.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat. No editing, backtracking, overthinking. Just write.
2. Link up here with the gang.
3. (The MOST IMPORTANT RULE!) visit the FMF Neighbor - the one who linked right before you - and leave a bit of encouragement for them. That is the heart of our community.
And here's my 5 minutes on:
WILLING.
There's a lot of talk about willing - are you always willing to do what God asks? Every time? Right when he asks? It's a popular sermon thought, and a theme throughout the Bible. And I like to think that I am. But deep down, sometimes I know, I am not willing. At least not if He asks me. Which is why sometimes I think instead of asking ... He tells me.
It's sort of like parenting. I learned (ok, sometimes I forget) to TELL the kids to do something if I didn't want to hear them tell me no. If I asked "will you please clear the dishes?" they could say no. And it would be on me, because I ASKED them. So instead, I say "S, please clear your dishes from the table." Now it's a command, and then there's no room to object - at least without consequences.
And so it goes with me. The Lord asks me to do a lot of things - and that's all well and good. But I am certain that if He had asked me to take a walk down the path of divorce, seeing my family torn by an extra-marital affair, and asked me to be gracious through it. To show the love of Christ to her. I would have said no. Really, who would volunteer to do that?! Not me.
BUT. He didn't ask me if I was willing. He allowed it to happen. (Don't mistake this for God bringing the divorce about Himself. He wouldn't do that. BUT He does let things happen, and there are consequences when folks make really lousy choices.)
And for days, weeks, months, YEARS, I fought tooth and nail, on my knees begging for it to be anything other than that conclusion. And still here I sit. And now, 4+ years later, I can see the good in it. The Lord has carried me through times harder than I could ever have imagined. And that's exactly why He didn't ask if I was willing. I would have thought it impossible to survive. To come out the other end with my heart healed, my faith stronger than when I went in, and a journey of grace that I never could have dreamed possible.
My unwilling self would have missed the opportunity to be a healing mentor. To show other women walking this same path, or a similar one, that God can indeed work even the awfulest of things for His Glory. So my unwilling self on this occasion says "thank you" for making sure it was a command - a command to follow Him, and to do what is right, with grace. Even if . And Especially if. I wasn't willing.
Stop.
(sorry, I ran over. confessing for all to see, I broke rule #1 this week)
The rules are simple.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat. No editing, backtracking, overthinking. Just write.
2. Link up here with the gang.
3. (The MOST IMPORTANT RULE!) visit the FMF Neighbor - the one who linked right before you - and leave a bit of encouragement for them. That is the heart of our community.
And here's my 5 minutes on:
WILLING.
There's a lot of talk about willing - are you always willing to do what God asks? Every time? Right when he asks? It's a popular sermon thought, and a theme throughout the Bible. And I like to think that I am. But deep down, sometimes I know, I am not willing. At least not if He asks me. Which is why sometimes I think instead of asking ... He tells me.
It's sort of like parenting. I learned (ok, sometimes I forget) to TELL the kids to do something if I didn't want to hear them tell me no. If I asked "will you please clear the dishes?" they could say no. And it would be on me, because I ASKED them. So instead, I say "S, please clear your dishes from the table." Now it's a command, and then there's no room to object - at least without consequences.
And so it goes with me. The Lord asks me to do a lot of things - and that's all well and good. But I am certain that if He had asked me to take a walk down the path of divorce, seeing my family torn by an extra-marital affair, and asked me to be gracious through it. To show the love of Christ to her. I would have said no. Really, who would volunteer to do that?! Not me.
BUT. He didn't ask me if I was willing. He allowed it to happen. (Don't mistake this for God bringing the divorce about Himself. He wouldn't do that. BUT He does let things happen, and there are consequences when folks make really lousy choices.)
And for days, weeks, months, YEARS, I fought tooth and nail, on my knees begging for it to be anything other than that conclusion. And still here I sit. And now, 4+ years later, I can see the good in it. The Lord has carried me through times harder than I could ever have imagined. And that's exactly why He didn't ask if I was willing. I would have thought it impossible to survive. To come out the other end with my heart healed, my faith stronger than when I went in, and a journey of grace that I never could have dreamed possible.
My unwilling self would have missed the opportunity to be a healing mentor. To show other women walking this same path, or a similar one, that God can indeed work even the awfulest of things for His Glory. So my unwilling self on this occasion says "thank you" for making sure it was a command - a command to follow Him, and to do what is right, with grace. Even if . And Especially if. I wasn't willing.
Stop.
(sorry, I ran over. confessing for all to see, I broke rule #1 this week)
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
The Hero (Behind The Scenes)
Welcome to Behind The Scenes, the link up hosted by my friend Crystal. Where we show you real life, not just the perfect (or imperfect) snapshot of reality.
This week, we had a delightful time celebrating with the hero of the elementary school.
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Our school makes a big deal about "Zero the Hero" (see the 0 on his shirt?) He comes every 10 days to school to help the kids learn about place holders. They do different exercises on the morning news show each time, and he comes specifically to the kindergarten classes so they can learn about counting by 10's and all sorts of stuff.
Then the 100th day of school is a HUGE celebration. They put sidewalk chalk down the whole road as you lead up to the school. They have special songs and all the kids make a big deal about it. The 5th & 4th graders especially love to show the younger kids. The kindergarteners made special crafts, and a zero the hero super-hero cape that they wore all day with the 100 on it. It was a riot. And the 100th day was REALLY LATE this year. Because we've had 13 (yes, seriously) snow days.
So this week, I wanted to show you the PE teacher who dresses up for these kids every 10 days, and then on the 100th day, he stood on the corner in the AM, in the freezing cold, to jump up and down and welcome all the buses, and get our kids excited about the power of zero.
Thank you, Zero the Hero, for being a hero to our kids. Every 10 days.
This week, we had a delightful time celebrating with the hero of the elementary school.
Our school makes a big deal about "Zero the Hero" (see the 0 on his shirt?) He comes every 10 days to school to help the kids learn about place holders. They do different exercises on the morning news show each time, and he comes specifically to the kindergarten classes so they can learn about counting by 10's and all sorts of stuff.
Then the 100th day of school is a HUGE celebration. They put sidewalk chalk down the whole road as you lead up to the school. They have special songs and all the kids make a big deal about it. The 5th & 4th graders especially love to show the younger kids. The kindergarteners made special crafts, and a zero the hero super-hero cape that they wore all day with the 100 on it. It was a riot. And the 100th day was REALLY LATE this year. Because we've had 13 (yes, seriously) snow days.
So this week, I wanted to show you the PE teacher who dresses up for these kids every 10 days, and then on the 100th day, he stood on the corner in the AM, in the freezing cold, to jump up and down and welcome all the buses, and get our kids excited about the power of zero.
Thank you, Zero the Hero, for being a hero to our kids. Every 10 days.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Journey (OneWord365 February check in)
The link up started Tuesday, so I nearly missed the party. But not quite! Amy is hosting a monthly series on the 3rd Tuesdays, to have an accountability tracker, or at least a progress update, for her OneWord365. I joined last month and was glad for the quick status check on my journey. We will see if I can keep it up all year. (My stellar blogging on time record, you know?!)
I finally sat down tonight to reflect on the changes, or progress, since last time. My word is JOURNEY. And I had anticipated slowing down this year - spending more time focused on how I was getting places; how I was moving through life, rather than on the end destination. It led to lots more quality time with my kiddos (we were at 5 snow days the last time I reflected. Now we've had 13. That's 8 more. We all still have some degree of sanity, so that's a journey score!). I have also noticed considerably less stress in a few situations with my ex and his new wife (another journey score! plus 2 scores on the grace 2013 tally sheet. I will keep that record growing!)
I've also been weighing some other things in my life (no, this is not an annoucement of "I got a second tattoo in as many months". I am quite happy with just one for now.). And I had been praying for wisdom, as well as patience. Praying for a way to stick with where I was because of the things I saw that wanted me to stay. But then I changed how I was praying - I was feeling more and more unsettled. And, true to His promises, my prayers were answered. Much faster than I expected (sidebar ... am I the only one continually amazed at how fast prayers can be answered? I so often think that I will have to labor over a request for months on end. And sometimes that's the case, but sometimes it's a fast response. And I'm always blown away.)
I started asking for clear direction - for a catalyst to help me know whether I should stay with the status quo (familiar, comfortable, and nothing specifically wrong ... but just not what I NEED right now) or if I should seek something else - something that would meet the need. And within 2 weeks of the change in how I was asking, I had an obvious answer. One thing after another lined up in quick succession and it became abundantly clear that the next part of my journey this year involves a step out in faith. I won't sugar coat it - this is a pretty huge step, and I'm feeling unsettled as the destination of this leg is not yet known. I am a planner, and seeking change without a planned destination is not in my comfort zone. (Score one for the stretch factor on my journey). I may not have resolution to this part by the March update - in fact, I expect it is a several month work in progress. But the lack of major milestones in a few weeks does not mean the journey is paused.
In choir practice tonight, we sang these words, from "Bow The Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland.
How is your OneWord impacting your year? I'm interested to hear about it!
I finally sat down tonight to reflect on the changes, or progress, since last time. My word is JOURNEY. And I had anticipated slowing down this year - spending more time focused on how I was getting places; how I was moving through life, rather than on the end destination. It led to lots more quality time with my kiddos (we were at 5 snow days the last time I reflected. Now we've had 13. That's 8 more. We all still have some degree of sanity, so that's a journey score!). I have also noticed considerably less stress in a few situations with my ex and his new wife (another journey score! plus 2 scores on the grace 2013 tally sheet. I will keep that record growing!)
I've also been weighing some other things in my life (no, this is not an annoucement of "I got a second tattoo in as many months". I am quite happy with just one for now.). And I had been praying for wisdom, as well as patience. Praying for a way to stick with where I was because of the things I saw that wanted me to stay. But then I changed how I was praying - I was feeling more and more unsettled. And, true to His promises, my prayers were answered. Much faster than I expected (sidebar ... am I the only one continually amazed at how fast prayers can be answered? I so often think that I will have to labor over a request for months on end. And sometimes that's the case, but sometimes it's a fast response. And I'm always blown away.)
I started asking for clear direction - for a catalyst to help me know whether I should stay with the status quo (familiar, comfortable, and nothing specifically wrong ... but just not what I NEED right now) or if I should seek something else - something that would meet the need. And within 2 weeks of the change in how I was asking, I had an obvious answer. One thing after another lined up in quick succession and it became abundantly clear that the next part of my journey this year involves a step out in faith. I won't sugar coat it - this is a pretty huge step, and I'm feeling unsettled as the destination of this leg is not yet known. I am a planner, and seeking change without a planned destination is not in my comfort zone. (Score one for the stretch factor on my journey). I may not have resolution to this part by the March update - in fact, I expect it is a several month work in progress. But the lack of major milestones in a few weeks does not mean the journey is paused.
In choir practice tonight, we sang these words, from "Bow The Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland.
There are moments on our journey following the LordTonight I find myself headed down a dimmer path. Clearly leading away from the familiar on a journey to the as-yet unknown, but I am confident that this is exactly where I belong. I am hesitant in some respects - it is always tough to leave a place of comfort, especially without a new end already on the map. But far outweighing my hesitation is the excitement of the new, unexplored, endless possibilities that the Lord has laid in front of me. So I am stepping out, heading down the dim path, fully seeing that just the first steps are lit up bright as the noonday sun. And that's really the point of the journey - just take the next right step. And then the next step after that. The dim path will grow brighter as I follow close behind the footprints laid before me.
Where God illumines every step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim
And our questions have no answers, turn to Him
Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father when answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.
There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won't cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise, Don't forget we live by faith and not by sight.
How is your OneWord impacting your year? I'm interested to hear about it!
Friday, February 21, 2014
Small (Five Minute Friday)
Sweet, sweet Friday. Where we pause for 5 minutes to give life to the words inside, and then where we linger over the thoughts bravely voiced by our community of writers. Join us, won't you?
1. Write 5 minutes - no edits, no back tracks - on the prompt.
2. Link up here.
3. **THE UNBREAKABLE RULE** Visit with the one who linked before you: read their words, leave them some encouraging ones of your own.
This week: we write about small.
It's the small things that make all the difference. He notices. He can hear in my voice if it's been a tough day and he asks about it. He sent flowers for Valentine's Day, which was so nice - but that wasn't what made my day great. He called to tell me he was sorry we weren't able to spend the day together, and that he'd make time for us to celebrate another day.
He remembers when I say something in passing - just an off-handed comment about one of the kids having something, or a particular meeting I am concerned about. And he asks about them later. He listens, and remembers.
It's not the nights out doing something spectacular that are my favorites, though I surely enjoy them. It's the small moments. The time we stayed in for a movie and sat up and talked. The night we sat up talking in the parking lot after the ballgame. The day we went for a hike and he brought a picnic. The small, quiet moments where we share thoughts and dreams of the future. The moments we stop and pray together.
When he writes and asks how he can pray for me. When he reads my writing and sends me a message with his thoughts about it. Always noting a small detail in the story I've told, and focuses on that - which shows me that he read the whole thing. That he noticed what I took the time to share. Even the nickname he gave me comes from a little joke we shared one day.
And for me, those small moments - the littlest things he does and says - those are the very best parts of what he gives me.
1. Write 5 minutes - no edits, no back tracks - on the prompt.
2. Link up here.
3. **THE UNBREAKABLE RULE** Visit with the one who linked before you: read their words, leave them some encouraging ones of your own.
This week: we write about small.
It's the small things that make all the difference. He notices. He can hear in my voice if it's been a tough day and he asks about it. He sent flowers for Valentine's Day, which was so nice - but that wasn't what made my day great. He called to tell me he was sorry we weren't able to spend the day together, and that he'd make time for us to celebrate another day.
He remembers when I say something in passing - just an off-handed comment about one of the kids having something, or a particular meeting I am concerned about. And he asks about them later. He listens, and remembers.
It's not the nights out doing something spectacular that are my favorites, though I surely enjoy them. It's the small moments. The time we stayed in for a movie and sat up and talked. The night we sat up talking in the parking lot after the ballgame. The day we went for a hike and he brought a picnic. The small, quiet moments where we share thoughts and dreams of the future. The moments we stop and pray together.
When he writes and asks how he can pray for me. When he reads my writing and sends me a message with his thoughts about it. Always noting a small detail in the story I've told, and focuses on that - which shows me that he read the whole thing. That he noticed what I took the time to share. Even the nickname he gave me comes from a little joke we shared one day.
And for me, those small moments - the littlest things he does and says - those are the very best parts of what he gives me.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Garden (Five Minute Friday)
I'm still late to the party, but better late than never. Especially when the party is building a community center for some kids half a world away. [Phase 1 complete already - how rock star awesome is that?!]
This week, we're sharing 5 minutes on gardens. Then we're linking up here, and leaving some love, and spreading the news far and wide - that everyone giving a little creates a whole lot of giving. WOOT!
Garden
When we sold our house in fall 2012 and moved to a townhouse, the thing the girls and I missed the very most was our garden. We had a lovely large area where we grew tomatoes, strawberries, zucchini, cucumbers, and a whole host of flowers. We tried our hand at broccoli (never took), cantaloupe (beautiful vines, no fruit), squash (grew well but the groundhog always beat me to the harvest) and a few other things that the kids found interesting from year to year.
We always enjoyed running out to see what had blossomed. And fresh picked strawberries on breakfast cereal are the best. The absolute best.
So when we had to sell and move, the kids were crushed. I was, too. The townhouse we lived in all of last year was perfect for what we needed - right near the school., safe neighborhood, still let the girls have their own rooms and held all our stuff while we were in transition, but the one thing it was lacking was ANY outdoor space. Zilch. And we missed that garden all of last summer.
Then one thing led to another and we had to move. Again. That's twice in one year. But The Lord worked it all out and we're still in the same neighborhood, the same school - about 6 blocks from the other place. And now ... we have a tiny little yard, with a perfectly-made-for-what-we-will-grow garden plot.
of course right now it is buried under feet of snow. [Winter drama like we've not seen in years!] But it has the promise of spring - of new beginnings - new experiments - and strawberries on our breakfast cereal once again.
This week, we're sharing 5 minutes on gardens. Then we're linking up here, and leaving some love, and spreading the news far and wide - that everyone giving a little creates a whole lot of giving. WOOT!
Garden
When we sold our house in fall 2012 and moved to a townhouse, the thing the girls and I missed the very most was our garden. We had a lovely large area where we grew tomatoes, strawberries, zucchini, cucumbers, and a whole host of flowers. We tried our hand at broccoli (never took), cantaloupe (beautiful vines, no fruit), squash (grew well but the groundhog always beat me to the harvest) and a few other things that the kids found interesting from year to year.
We always enjoyed running out to see what had blossomed. And fresh picked strawberries on breakfast cereal are the best. The absolute best.
So when we had to sell and move, the kids were crushed. I was, too. The townhouse we lived in all of last year was perfect for what we needed - right near the school., safe neighborhood, still let the girls have their own rooms and held all our stuff while we were in transition, but the one thing it was lacking was ANY outdoor space. Zilch. And we missed that garden all of last summer.
Then one thing led to another and we had to move. Again. That's twice in one year. But The Lord worked it all out and we're still in the same neighborhood, the same school - about 6 blocks from the other place. And now ... we have a tiny little yard, with a perfectly-made-for-what-we-will-grow garden plot.
of course right now it is buried under feet of snow. [Winter drama like we've not seen in years!] But it has the promise of spring - of new beginnings - new experiments - and strawberries on our breakfast cereal once again.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Not Marked
Welcome to my first crack at a book review. I won't do this justice, I'm afraid, as my words can't even begin to unlock description of what I learned reading Mary's book. But, in fulfilling a promise I made, I am continuing my journey - and so forging a new path with this post.
Mary DeMuth's book, Not Marked is intended to provide hope - to help on a journey toward healing after sexual abuse. I agreed to read this and write a review because I know survivors. And I know people who know survivors. But I don't always know how to interact with them when I learn parts of their story. It's sometimes awkward. It's often a difficult subject to broach. And depending on where the person is in their journey of healing, I'm afraid I might hurt (unintentionally) rather than help.
What I learned was eye opening. And heart awakening. And mind boggling. I anticipated finding wisdom about how to help others on their path to healing after having been sexually assaulted (whether as a child or an adult), and there is much of that within these pages. What I did not anticipate was how widely applicable this is to other stories - to other survivors. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Divorce. Abandonment.
Not Marked is a reminder that while your past shapes who you are, that same past does not have to define you. What brings us all to today does not have to dictate where we go tomorrow. The book offers helpful tips to navigate through your story - how to share, with whom to share, and how to find a safe place in which to share. But it also coaches spouses and loved ones of survivors. How you can BE that safe person. How you can encourage your partner / friend to open up as much or as little as they want, in their timing.
The unique perspective Patrick [Mary's husband] brings encourages not just the partners, but the survivors as well. I particularly like how he adds comments at the end of each chapter so you can see them in context. If it was a whole chapter of "the spouse's thoughts" I think it would be lost, or glossed over entirely. In the midst of each step of the journey you gain insight into the other half of the picture. For survivors in a long term relationship and struggling with healing, I imagine this is encouraging - to know another couple is successfully navigating the waters. For the spouses of the survivors - to see that someone else is feeling what you've felt and that you are normal. And to also offer constructive, practical words of advice for how to take the next step.
My outlook has changed since reading Not Marked, and I am encouraged to add what I've learned to my journey forward.
---------------------
Mary’s main website is MaryDeMuth.com — Your Life Uncaged.
Not Marked is on Amazon — paperback is here; ebook is here.
What I learned was eye opening. And heart awakening. And mind boggling. I anticipated finding wisdom about how to help others on their path to healing after having been sexually assaulted (whether as a child or an adult), and there is much of that within these pages. What I did not anticipate was how widely applicable this is to other stories - to other survivors. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Divorce. Abandonment.
Not Marked is a reminder that while your past shapes who you are, that same past does not have to define you. What brings us all to today does not have to dictate where we go tomorrow. The book offers helpful tips to navigate through your story - how to share, with whom to share, and how to find a safe place in which to share. But it also coaches spouses and loved ones of survivors. How you can BE that safe person. How you can encourage your partner / friend to open up as much or as little as they want, in their timing.
The unique perspective Patrick [Mary's husband] brings encourages not just the partners, but the survivors as well. I particularly like how he adds comments at the end of each chapter so you can see them in context. If it was a whole chapter of "the spouse's thoughts" I think it would be lost, or glossed over entirely. In the midst of each step of the journey you gain insight into the other half of the picture. For survivors in a long term relationship and struggling with healing, I imagine this is encouraging - to know another couple is successfully navigating the waters. For the spouses of the survivors - to see that someone else is feeling what you've felt and that you are normal. And to also offer constructive, practical words of advice for how to take the next step.
So much of the book jumped out at me - as readily applicable to my own journey of life after divorce. I was surprised. But the path to healing as a survivor, whatever the circumstance, can be very similar. Forgive those who wronged you. Don't let the circumstance mark you forever - seek the path to overcoming and living without the label. Seek grace - compassion - kindness.
"Forgiveness is a deliberate decision but it's also an ongoing choice. Forgiveness isn't glossing over or forgetting. Forgiveness is beautiful and powerful because I do remember." ~Mary DeMuth
"Each snippet of healing helps you become salve to those who are earlier on their healing path." ~Mary DeMuthIf you're walking a journey of recovery - of healing - from abuse or some other life changing event, there is much to be learned from reading Mary's words. If you're in the midst of loving someone - a friend, a sister, a spouse - who is recovering, there is much to learn about how to encourage their journey to wholeness.
My outlook has changed since reading Not Marked, and I am encouraged to add what I've learned to my journey forward.
---------------------
Mary’s main website is MaryDeMuth.com — Your Life Uncaged.
Not Marked is on Amazon — paperback is here; ebook is here.
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