I can hardly believe it is time to look ahead to a new year, and to choose a new word. Before I explore that, though, I have a lot to be thankful for with the end of the "journey year".
Literal journeys this year added 5 new baseball stadiums to my places visited: Citi Field (Mets), Petco Park (Padres), Angels Stadium, Dodgers Stadium, and PNC Park (Pirates). I also added "on the ice at the Verizon Center" and "on the field for pre-game" at Nationals Park, PNC Park, and Orioles Park at Camden Yards. I traveled with a new friend to see some old friends in California, and road tripped with Nats buddies to see the team, explore Pittsburgh and meet a new work colleague.
My journey this year also led through some tough decisions - some job opportunities turned down, some memories finally filed away in a place where they won't haunt me every day, and with mixed emotions, a new church home for me and the girls.
I've made some new friends and some amazing memories due to the power of social media. We've laughed together, cried together. Hugged each other in times of great family loss and those moments of baseball agony. Cheered until we were hoarse. Witnessed history live - no hitters and 18 inning marathons. Tried new foods, some which were fabulous and some I'll never touch again, thank you very much. We've made memories I will cherish long after 2014 has faded away.
And I've been challenged beyond what I remembered possible
* with a new organization to give my time in a more deliberate way
* with my kids - the hard questions have started
* with my writing - I tried to go 31 days straight (and didn't get there, but got further than I would have last year)
* with my heart - could I let someone close again?
So as I reflect on the end of the 2014 journey, it's been a great year. Hard times, but good ones. And even in the toughest moments of this year, I wouldn't change a thing if I could. Even the results from the playoffs. Because the agony of defeat makes the forthcoming triumph that much sweeter. The deliberate focus on the process rather than the destination has been excellent for me this year. The journey goes on ... I pray the intentional choices will continue... but as we cross over to 2015, my new word is WAIT.
I am excited ... and very nervous ... about what exactly that looks like in this coming year. Brave, grace, and journey have ALL turned out to be just what I needed. Apparently "wait" is what I need now.
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Time for a Change
This isn't an easy post to write... the big ones never are. I have been wrestling with a decision for close to a year, and The Lord has finally made it abundantly clear what the new path should be. Honestly, at first, I didn't like the answer, so I resisted the change. I continued to ignore the gentle hints. I plowed ahead. But there comes a time when you just need to listen. And obey.
It has been our privilege and pleasure to serve with our friends at Temple Baptist Church for more than 10 years. Friends, you have supported our family through the depths of despair and on our hardest days. You have rejoiced with us in our best moments of celebration. You have cried with me, held me, brought us meals and studied God's Word with me. You have loved my children and watched them grow. You have changed their diapers and wiped their noses; held their hands, taught them about Jesus. You have sung with us, laughed with us, played with us. You have been an example to us. And most importantly, you have prayed - both with us, and for us, every day. I can never thank you enough for being a part of our family, and for providing, with the Lord's help, just what we needed, exactly when we needed. it. We are forever grateful.
It is with mixed emotions that I say farewell to you all - the Lord has called us to serve elsewhere, and to grow in this next chapter of our lives in a different church community. We are excited for this new opportunity - the next step in our family's journey - but please know that we love you, and we are so glad to have had this time with you. We aren't moving physically - so we will still be around. Don't be strangers. We still want to see your smiling faces.
Love,
Jen, S & A
It has been our privilege and pleasure to serve with our friends at Temple Baptist Church for more than 10 years. Friends, you have supported our family through the depths of despair and on our hardest days. You have rejoiced with us in our best moments of celebration. You have cried with me, held me, brought us meals and studied God's Word with me. You have loved my children and watched them grow. You have changed their diapers and wiped their noses; held their hands, taught them about Jesus. You have sung with us, laughed with us, played with us. You have been an example to us. And most importantly, you have prayed - both with us, and for us, every day. I can never thank you enough for being a part of our family, and for providing, with the Lord's help, just what we needed, exactly when we needed. it. We are forever grateful.
It is with mixed emotions that I say farewell to you all - the Lord has called us to serve elsewhere, and to grow in this next chapter of our lives in a different church community. We are excited for this new opportunity - the next step in our family's journey - but please know that we love you, and we are so glad to have had this time with you. We aren't moving physically - so we will still be around. Don't be strangers. We still want to see your smiling faces.
Love,
Jen, S & A
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
It's not Just About MY Journey (OneWord365 May Check In)
Time to reflect again. On where my journey has gone in May. As much as I am lousy about posting on time, I am still in the window, and reflecting each month on the journey this year has allowed me to see things I might not have - to notice effects of my word focus that I would likely miss when I do my end-of-year lookback. Because without pausing now to actually write them down, I am not sure I would even catch them. Lost in the other parts of my life.
May has been a WHIRLWIND. Birthdays and parties and SOL exams and baseball and end of school.
** SIDEBAR. SOLs are Standards of Learning exams, I think but in reality they're an attempt by the state of Virginia to see what our 3rd grade - and higher - children have learned, and they cause a LOT of stress. This is my 3rd grader's first year and she's so afraid of not following directions that this is what I got:
S: "mom, my teacher said we need to go to bed EARLY the night before the test."
(my thought: this is likely geared at the parents who let their kids stay up late... but my kids already go to bed at 7:30?!)
me: I think we will be ok sticking to 7:30, sweetie
S: MOM! MOM! no, I will get in SOOOOOOOO much trouble if I don't go to bed early. and I might not do well on the test. what if I fall asleep?!
me: ok, well what time do you think is appropriate, then?
S: 6:30. I think that will work.
me: (stunned silence) wellll, ok, if you think that is what you need?
**END SIDEBAR**
But as I look back at May, there's another journey we got to celebrate. One that has nothing to do with where I am, what I'm learning, where I am going. And it is just as important as all of those things.
My little brother graduated from college this month. It's been a long journey for him to get there. I am so proud of him. Graduating with honors. It is not my place to share his story. But it is totally my place to brag on his accomplishments! Recipient of the Bachelor of Arts degree, with a double major in History and Political & Governmental Affairs, CUM LAUDE. So here are a few pictures with the family: my kids, my folks, and the graduate.
Congratulations, Jeff! You worked hard for this - you put your heart into it - and it shows. I am so proud of what you have become and what you have accomplished. Thanks for allowing us to be a part of YOUR journey. I love you!
-------------
Linking up with the One Word 365 check ins over here.
May has been a WHIRLWIND. Birthdays and parties and SOL exams and baseball and end of school.
** SIDEBAR. SOLs are Standards of Learning exams, I think but in reality they're an attempt by the state of Virginia to see what our 3rd grade - and higher - children have learned, and they cause a LOT of stress. This is my 3rd grader's first year and she's so afraid of not following directions that this is what I got:
S: "mom, my teacher said we need to go to bed EARLY the night before the test."
(my thought: this is likely geared at the parents who let their kids stay up late... but my kids already go to bed at 7:30?!)
me: I think we will be ok sticking to 7:30, sweetie
S: MOM! MOM! no, I will get in SOOOOOOOO much trouble if I don't go to bed early. and I might not do well on the test. what if I fall asleep?!
me: ok, well what time do you think is appropriate, then?
S: 6:30. I think that will work.
me: (stunned silence) wellll, ok, if you think that is what you need?
**END SIDEBAR**
But as I look back at May, there's another journey we got to celebrate. One that has nothing to do with where I am, what I'm learning, where I am going. And it is just as important as all of those things.
My little brother graduated from college this month. It's been a long journey for him to get there. I am so proud of him. Graduating with honors. It is not my place to share his story. But it is totally my place to brag on his accomplishments! Recipient of the Bachelor of Arts degree, with a double major in History and Political & Governmental Affairs, CUM LAUDE. So here are a few pictures with the family: my kids, my folks, and the graduate.
Congratulations, Jeff! You worked hard for this - you put your heart into it - and it shows. I am so proud of what you have become and what you have accomplished. Thanks for allowing us to be a part of YOUR journey. I love you!
Linking up with the One Word 365 check ins over here.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Journey (OneWord365 April check in)
It's Tuesday. Actually the 4th Tuesday, but Amy shows grace and leaves the link open a FULL WEEK (Thanks, Amy!) and since this was due last Tuesday, I will squeak in under the deadline.
Time to check in with the word of the year and see how it's worked or been present in my life the past month.
-----------------
April brings spring break. Since the separation, we alternate holidays with the kiddos, except for Christmas break. This year was a "Daddy year" so my girls spent a relaxing and adventurous week with their grandparents, their dad, stepmother and little brother. With a week entirely to myself, I embraced my word, journey, to its fullest and took a vacation with a girlfriend.
We left DC on Saturday evening and flew to LAX, and then drove to San Diego. Saturday through Monday nights, we had a delightful apartment in the Gaslamp District. Sunday we visited a church in El Cajon, and then we spent the rest of the day with my dear friends, Chuck and Bridget. Chuck and I have been friends since we were 3. We are much older than 3 now ...
Chuck is the chorusmaster at the San Diego Opera. And Bridget sings in the chorus. Sunday was a treat for the ages - we saw the last (well, we hope not the last!) performance of the San Diego Opera. The show was Don Quixote, and it was fantastic! At the end, the hero dies, and as there is much still unknown about the future of the opera in San Diego, the audience felt like we died right along with him. I was sitting near many long-time opera patrons and they were sobbing. Audibly. Older patrons and younger ones. Some who had been coming to shows for over 30 years. It will be a sad day if the opera is finished. As of tonight, there is an extension until May 19. You can read all about the latest on the fate of the opera here.
After the opera and the interviews (thank you, local news in San Diego for helping to share the story!) we went to dinner with Chuck and Bridget. And then we went for dessert.
Afterwards, when we could eat not another bite, they took us on a city tour. We saw Balboa Park and then drove over to Coronado Island to look back at the skyline at night. Breathtaking views.
Monday we ventured up to La Jolla and met up with a colleague of mine for lunch. And we spent Monday night at PETCO Park (San Diego Padres baseball). Take note - I amsomewhat of a baseball junkie so the main focus of this trip, outside the opera, was baseball. 3 games - 3 new stadiums for me - in a week. The game was fun. San Diego came from behind in the bottom of the 8th to score 2 runs (on no hits, even!) and win. We had Phil's BBQ for dinner in the park. Don't miss that if you go - delicious! We walked back to the apartment after the game and stayed up late to watch the lunar eclipse from our balcony. Despite being in the middle of the city, the view was clear and watching that was spectacular. I took a few hundred photos with my new camera. None of them turned out very well (I am still learning). But the memory is clear and that's my favorite part of the experience anyway.
Tuesday we continued our journey and started our drive up the coast. We stopped at Rocky's Crown Pub. If you are in San Diego and you can get here, do NOT miss it. A friend told me it was the best burger in all of California. I have to say that it was maybe the best burger I've EVER had. We got there early and it was packed. Standing room only and a wait. I struck up a conversation with the guys standing next to me and within a few minutes they had invited us to share the next table that came open with them. (They had spied one in the back which had seating for 5 - that would fit their 3 plus my friend and me). They then told us stories of how they'd met and how they'd been coming to Rocky's every week for years and years. We met Joe, the owner and burger maker. The only choices you need to make at Rocky's are: big or small, with or without cheese, onions grilled or raw, and fries or no fries. My choice was small, with cheese, grilled and with fries. Finger licking good. The conversation eventually turned to dessert (of course!) and our new friends recommended Mr. Frostie's. A few blocks down and serving ice cream since 1949. Well worth the stop!
We continued on and spent Tuesday night at a resort in Newport Beach. There was a local place on the beach (walking traffic only!) to eat dinner on the porch and observe the glorious sunset into the Pacific. The pictures don't do it justice. But they might give you a hint of the splendor. (or not. again, no inherent talent with the camera)
Wednesday the journey led us to Anaheim. We spent the afternoon at the pool and then walked to Angels Stadium, where we got to see a fantastic comeback and then the Angels victorious in the 12th inning. (Yes, 12. We got some free baseball that night). We sat in the front row down the right field line. I managed to get some good pictures that night. But the best was the one with Sonny Gray. He's a pitched for the Oakland Athletics. AKA the A's. He went to Vanderbilt (several years after I did). So while we were watching batting practice, I yelled "Anchor Down" and he turned around, smiled, and came over for a picture. This is my favorite picture of the whole trip. Vanderbilt all the way.
Thursday we got up and headed a bit east, to Carbon Canyon park. We hiked to the redwood grove and saw some amazing wildlife along the way. I even captured a hummingbird in a photo. Then we drove to Marina del Rey and stayed at a B&B with so many stories held within its walls.
Read more about the journals and some other journeys. I added a few pages of my own. Friday after breakfast we rode our bikes (included with the room) along the beach and around the marina. I had a cactus (YES, CACTUS) taco for lunch. Embracing new foods on this journey as well. It was very tasty.
We then braved the LA traffic (goodness, traffic like I have never seen. I am from NJ, and I live near DC, so I have seen my fair share of traffic, but this was in a class all its own) and headed to Chavez Ravine. Dodger Stadium. Another fine game, with fantastic views of LA and also history held within the walls of the park. 12 innings later (yes, the second 12 inning game of the week!) the Dodgers had lost the game after a comeback only a few innings prior. The game as a whole was fun, and the crowd at Dodger stadium was the rowdiest of the games we saw. Very entertaining. The organist there has been playing there for over 30 years. I would love to hear some more about her journey!
Saturday we flew from LAX via San Francisco back to DC. We arrived around 11pm, exhausted but filled with great memories and some new stories to share with loved ones and friends.
So my journey in April was a physical one - across the country and along a little piece of the coast - and it added 3 stadiums more in my quest to see them all.
Time to check in with the word of the year and see how it's worked or been present in my life the past month.
-----------------
April brings spring break. Since the separation, we alternate holidays with the kiddos, except for Christmas break. This year was a "Daddy year" so my girls spent a relaxing and adventurous week with their grandparents, their dad, stepmother and little brother. With a week entirely to myself, I embraced my word, journey, to its fullest and took a vacation with a girlfriend.
We left DC on Saturday evening and flew to LAX, and then drove to San Diego. Saturday through Monday nights, we had a delightful apartment in the Gaslamp District. Sunday we visited a church in El Cajon, and then we spent the rest of the day with my dear friends, Chuck and Bridget. Chuck and I have been friends since we were 3. We are much older than 3 now ...
 |
| Saving the Opera, one person at a time! |
Chuck is the chorusmaster at the San Diego Opera. And Bridget sings in the chorus. Sunday was a treat for the ages - we saw the last (well, we hope not the last!) performance of the San Diego Opera. The show was Don Quixote, and it was fantastic! At the end, the hero dies, and as there is much still unknown about the future of the opera in San Diego, the audience felt like we died right along with him. I was sitting near many long-time opera patrons and they were sobbing. Audibly. Older patrons and younger ones. Some who had been coming to shows for over 30 years. It will be a sad day if the opera is finished. As of tonight, there is an extension until May 19. You can read all about the latest on the fate of the opera here.
After the opera and the interviews (thank you, local news in San Diego for helping to share the story!) we went to dinner with Chuck and Bridget. And then we went for dessert.
 |
| DESSERT!! |
Afterwards, when we could eat not another bite, they took us on a city tour. We saw Balboa Park and then drove over to Coronado Island to look back at the skyline at night. Breathtaking views.
 |
| reflections in Balboa Park |
Monday we ventured up to La Jolla and met up with a colleague of mine for lunch. And we spent Monday night at PETCO Park (San Diego Padres baseball). Take note - I am
 |
| PETCO Park |
Tuesday we continued our journey and started our drive up the coast. We stopped at Rocky's Crown Pub. If you are in San Diego and you can get here, do NOT miss it. A friend told me it was the best burger in all of California. I have to say that it was maybe the best burger I've EVER had. We got there early and it was packed. Standing room only and a wait. I struck up a conversation with the guys standing next to me and within a few minutes they had invited us to share the next table that came open with them. (They had spied one in the back which had seating for 5 - that would fit their 3 plus my friend and me). They then told us stories of how they'd met and how they'd been coming to Rocky's every week for years and years. We met Joe, the owner and burger maker. The only choices you need to make at Rocky's are: big or small, with or without cheese, onions grilled or raw, and fries or no fries. My choice was small, with cheese, grilled and with fries. Finger licking good. The conversation eventually turned to dessert (of course!) and our new friends recommended Mr. Frostie's. A few blocks down and serving ice cream since 1949. Well worth the stop!
 |
| our new friends - Jerry, Danny and Sherri |
We continued on and spent Tuesday night at a resort in Newport Beach. There was a local place on the beach (walking traffic only!) to eat dinner on the porch and observe the glorious sunset into the Pacific. The pictures don't do it justice. But they might give you a hint of the splendor. (or not. again, no inherent talent with the camera)
 |
| sunset over the Pacific |
 |
| ANCHOR DOWN! |
Thursday we got up and headed a bit east, to Carbon Canyon park. We hiked to the redwood grove and saw some amazing wildlife along the way. I even captured a hummingbird in a photo. Then we drove to Marina del Rey and stayed at a B&B with so many stories held within its walls.
 |
| one of the journal pages ... from shortly after September 11, 2001 |
Read more about the journals and some other journeys. I added a few pages of my own. Friday after breakfast we rode our bikes (included with the room) along the beach and around the marina. I had a cactus (YES, CACTUS) taco for lunch. Embracing new foods on this journey as well. It was very tasty.
 |
| cactus taco |
We then braved the LA traffic (goodness, traffic like I have never seen. I am from NJ, and I live near DC, so I have seen my fair share of traffic, but this was in a class all its own) and headed to Chavez Ravine. Dodger Stadium. Another fine game, with fantastic views of LA and also history held within the walls of the park. 12 innings later (yes, the second 12 inning game of the week!) the Dodgers had lost the game after a comeback only a few innings prior. The game as a whole was fun, and the crowd at Dodger stadium was the rowdiest of the games we saw. Very entertaining. The organist there has been playing there for over 30 years. I would love to hear some more about her journey!
 |
| LA skyline from the top of Chavez Ravine |
 |
| swing ... and a miss! |
 |
| as Puig watches the ball go by. |
 |
| waving from the top! |
Saturday we flew from LAX via San Francisco back to DC. We arrived around 11pm, exhausted but filled with great memories and some new stories to share with loved ones and friends.
So my journey in April was a physical one - across the country and along a little piece of the coast - and it added 3 stadiums more in my quest to see them all.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Mighty (Five Minute Friday)
I'm going to squeak in just under the deadline again. Not sure I like the pattern I am seeing, but at least I am STILL WRITING.
The rules are simple:
1. set your timer for 5 minutes. Write on the word of the week. Don't edit. Don't backtrack. Just toss it out there.
2. Link up with the rest of the gang over at Lisa-Jo's
3. Visit the one who linked before you and give them some encouragement. That's the heart of the Five Minute Friday community.
<bonus ... if you're on Twitter, come hang with us on Thursday nights at the #FMFParty >
This week, we're writing on
MIGHTY
The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word mighty is Mighty Mouse. "Here I come to save the day ... Mighty Mouse is on the way ..." At least that's how I remember the words to the little jingle. There are days when I wish Mighty Mouse lived with me. Or at least would pay me a visit. Save me from the mountain of laundry. Or the mountain of unfinished work. Or the pile of dishes in the sink. Reality check - there's no mouse - or person - that can save me from any of that mess. Welcome to motherhood.
But it's not really about being saved from it. It's about banding together and living through it. Not looking only at the destination (goodness, I am not ready for these girls to grow up and leave the nest!) but rather how we work one day at a time to get there. What can we treasure along the way?
And while we think about that, who can we help on the way? Who is not as fortunate as we are? Who needs some love today? Or a helping hand? Or a home-cooked meal? And while as one person - one family - we cannot do much, we CAN do a little. And if we do a little, and you do a little, and the next one does a little, together we are mighty - and can make a mighty big difference.
As my 5 minutes tick down, here are 3 places where my girls and I are doing our little part to make a mighty big difference:
the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer (my personal page) which is May 3-4, 2014
the Birmingham, Alabama NF Walk (for my dear friends Renie, Philip and their sweet, sweet kiddos
and the Community Kitchen and Welcome Center which is the love project embraced by the Five Minute Friday Community and beyond. Making a difference in a community in South Africa.
The rules are simple:
1. set your timer for 5 minutes. Write on the word of the week. Don't edit. Don't backtrack. Just toss it out there.
2. Link up with the rest of the gang over at Lisa-Jo's
3. Visit the one who linked before you and give them some encouragement. That's the heart of the Five Minute Friday community.
<bonus ... if you're on Twitter, come hang with us on Thursday nights at the #FMFParty >
This week, we're writing on
MIGHTY
The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word mighty is Mighty Mouse. "Here I come to save the day ... Mighty Mouse is on the way ..." At least that's how I remember the words to the little jingle. There are days when I wish Mighty Mouse lived with me. Or at least would pay me a visit. Save me from the mountain of laundry. Or the mountain of unfinished work. Or the pile of dishes in the sink. Reality check - there's no mouse - or person - that can save me from any of that mess. Welcome to motherhood.
But it's not really about being saved from it. It's about banding together and living through it. Not looking only at the destination (goodness, I am not ready for these girls to grow up and leave the nest!) but rather how we work one day at a time to get there. What can we treasure along the way?
And while we think about that, who can we help on the way? Who is not as fortunate as we are? Who needs some love today? Or a helping hand? Or a home-cooked meal? And while as one person - one family - we cannot do much, we CAN do a little. And if we do a little, and you do a little, and the next one does a little, together we are mighty - and can make a mighty big difference.
As my 5 minutes tick down, here are 3 places where my girls and I are doing our little part to make a mighty big difference:
the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer (my personal page) which is May 3-4, 2014
the Birmingham, Alabama NF Walk (for my dear friends Renie, Philip and their sweet, sweet kiddos
and the Community Kitchen and Welcome Center which is the love project embraced by the Five Minute Friday Community and beyond. Making a difference in a community in South Africa.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Journey (OneWord365 March check in)
We've been studying through Exodus in my Sunday School class. One theme keeps coming back - or rather one theme keeps sticking it's nose into the forefront of my thoughts. That is that God, when delivering the nation of Israel out of Egypt, he protected them - kept them from experiencing anything too strong with battles of other nations, until they were prepared. Until they'd changed their mindset. They had been slaves for 430 years, and they had no other way of thinking. For generations they had been slaves. When they first left, they didn't know how else to behave. And when things go hard, they actually had the thought - maybe we'd be better off back in Egypt.
As that sank in - that they'd consider going back to being slaves because it was familiar, that even though it was hard, it was something known and safe - it made me sad. How terrible to be willing to miss the wonderful place the Lord had prepared in the promised land, because it would be a tough journey. Because it was unknown. Because their faith wasn't strong enough to trust that the Lord KNEW the end destination was better than they could even imagine.
And then I thought about where I am in one particular piece of my journey. I've got some tough decisions ahead - and they're very close. At least they *should* be. But instead of running ahead - instead of resting in the knowledge that God has orchestrated this change - that He has given me a path to follow - I am turning around and running back to Egypt! WHAT?! Even as I sit and write this, I see it. I see the reluctance to move on. I'm in a safe place. It's comfortable. It has been good. It has served its purpose. But I feel the calling - the need to move forward. Frankly, I am scared. The next step on this particular leg of the journey is going to take some work. A lot of prayer. And some searching. That's hard.
Sometimes I don't do hard well. Especially if there is an easy out. But running back isn't going to make it any easier to get where I need to be. Where God wants me to be. As I think back to the sadness I've felt as we've studied the journey out of Egypt, it has hit home. I need to get myself in gear, follow the path the Lord has laid before me, and not look back. I need to stop longing for my comfort zone. I need to stop treading water and waiting for a wave I can ride to the next shore. I need to start swimming forward. Though I can't see the actual destination, that doesn't mean that I can tell the journey to time out. Get on the path, one foot in front of the other, and keep going.
---------------
It's the third Tuesday of the month (well, actually it's sometime after the 3rd and before the 4th Tuesday...) and time to link up with Amy and update about my OneWord365 for the year. I am really glad for this accountability string. The reminder to post as I go, and not try to recall it all in December.
As that sank in - that they'd consider going back to being slaves because it was familiar, that even though it was hard, it was something known and safe - it made me sad. How terrible to be willing to miss the wonderful place the Lord had prepared in the promised land, because it would be a tough journey. Because it was unknown. Because their faith wasn't strong enough to trust that the Lord KNEW the end destination was better than they could even imagine.
And then I thought about where I am in one particular piece of my journey. I've got some tough decisions ahead - and they're very close. At least they *should* be. But instead of running ahead - instead of resting in the knowledge that God has orchestrated this change - that He has given me a path to follow - I am turning around and running back to Egypt! WHAT?! Even as I sit and write this, I see it. I see the reluctance to move on. I'm in a safe place. It's comfortable. It has been good. It has served its purpose. But I feel the calling - the need to move forward. Frankly, I am scared. The next step on this particular leg of the journey is going to take some work. A lot of prayer. And some searching. That's hard.
Sometimes I don't do hard well. Especially if there is an easy out. But running back isn't going to make it any easier to get where I need to be. Where God wants me to be. As I think back to the sadness I've felt as we've studied the journey out of Egypt, it has hit home. I need to get myself in gear, follow the path the Lord has laid before me, and not look back. I need to stop longing for my comfort zone. I need to stop treading water and waiting for a wave I can ride to the next shore. I need to start swimming forward. Though I can't see the actual destination, that doesn't mean that I can tell the journey to time out. Get on the path, one foot in front of the other, and keep going.
---------------
It's the third Tuesday of the month (well, actually it's sometime after the 3rd and before the 4th Tuesday...) and time to link up with Amy and update about my OneWord365 for the year. I am really glad for this accountability string. The reminder to post as I go, and not try to recall it all in December.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Willing (Five Minute Friday)
Welcome to Five Minute Friday. Where a great big flash mob of brave souls deliver wonderful words for you to read. All on the same prompt, but never are two stories the same. Come join us!
The rules are simple.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat. No editing, backtracking, overthinking. Just write.
2. Link up here with the gang.
3. (The MOST IMPORTANT RULE!) visit the FMF Neighbor - the one who linked right before you - and leave a bit of encouragement for them. That is the heart of our community.
And here's my 5 minutes on:
WILLING.
There's a lot of talk about willing - are you always willing to do what God asks? Every time? Right when he asks? It's a popular sermon thought, and a theme throughout the Bible. And I like to think that I am. But deep down, sometimes I know, I am not willing. At least not if He asks me. Which is why sometimes I think instead of asking ... He tells me.
It's sort of like parenting. I learned (ok, sometimes I forget) to TELL the kids to do something if I didn't want to hear them tell me no. If I asked "will you please clear the dishes?" they could say no. And it would be on me, because I ASKED them. So instead, I say "S, please clear your dishes from the table." Now it's a command, and then there's no room to object - at least without consequences.
And so it goes with me. The Lord asks me to do a lot of things - and that's all well and good. But I am certain that if He had asked me to take a walk down the path of divorce, seeing my family torn by an extra-marital affair, and asked me to be gracious through it. To show the love of Christ to her. I would have said no. Really, who would volunteer to do that?! Not me.
BUT. He didn't ask me if I was willing. He allowed it to happen. (Don't mistake this for God bringing the divorce about Himself. He wouldn't do that. BUT He does let things happen, and there are consequences when folks make really lousy choices.)
And for days, weeks, months, YEARS, I fought tooth and nail, on my knees begging for it to be anything other than that conclusion. And still here I sit. And now, 4+ years later, I can see the good in it. The Lord has carried me through times harder than I could ever have imagined. And that's exactly why He didn't ask if I was willing. I would have thought it impossible to survive. To come out the other end with my heart healed, my faith stronger than when I went in, and a journey of grace that I never could have dreamed possible.
My unwilling self would have missed the opportunity to be a healing mentor. To show other women walking this same path, or a similar one, that God can indeed work even the awfulest of things for His Glory. So my unwilling self on this occasion says "thank you" for making sure it was a command - a command to follow Him, and to do what is right, with grace. Even if . And Especially if. I wasn't willing.
Stop.
(sorry, I ran over. confessing for all to see, I broke rule #1 this week)
The rules are simple.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat. No editing, backtracking, overthinking. Just write.
2. Link up here with the gang.
3. (The MOST IMPORTANT RULE!) visit the FMF Neighbor - the one who linked right before you - and leave a bit of encouragement for them. That is the heart of our community.
And here's my 5 minutes on:
WILLING.
There's a lot of talk about willing - are you always willing to do what God asks? Every time? Right when he asks? It's a popular sermon thought, and a theme throughout the Bible. And I like to think that I am. But deep down, sometimes I know, I am not willing. At least not if He asks me. Which is why sometimes I think instead of asking ... He tells me.
It's sort of like parenting. I learned (ok, sometimes I forget) to TELL the kids to do something if I didn't want to hear them tell me no. If I asked "will you please clear the dishes?" they could say no. And it would be on me, because I ASKED them. So instead, I say "S, please clear your dishes from the table." Now it's a command, and then there's no room to object - at least without consequences.
And so it goes with me. The Lord asks me to do a lot of things - and that's all well and good. But I am certain that if He had asked me to take a walk down the path of divorce, seeing my family torn by an extra-marital affair, and asked me to be gracious through it. To show the love of Christ to her. I would have said no. Really, who would volunteer to do that?! Not me.
BUT. He didn't ask me if I was willing. He allowed it to happen. (Don't mistake this for God bringing the divorce about Himself. He wouldn't do that. BUT He does let things happen, and there are consequences when folks make really lousy choices.)
And for days, weeks, months, YEARS, I fought tooth and nail, on my knees begging for it to be anything other than that conclusion. And still here I sit. And now, 4+ years later, I can see the good in it. The Lord has carried me through times harder than I could ever have imagined. And that's exactly why He didn't ask if I was willing. I would have thought it impossible to survive. To come out the other end with my heart healed, my faith stronger than when I went in, and a journey of grace that I never could have dreamed possible.
My unwilling self would have missed the opportunity to be a healing mentor. To show other women walking this same path, or a similar one, that God can indeed work even the awfulest of things for His Glory. So my unwilling self on this occasion says "thank you" for making sure it was a command - a command to follow Him, and to do what is right, with grace. Even if . And Especially if. I wasn't willing.
Stop.
(sorry, I ran over. confessing for all to see, I broke rule #1 this week)
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Journey (OneWord365 February check in)
The link up started Tuesday, so I nearly missed the party. But not quite! Amy is hosting a monthly series on the 3rd Tuesdays, to have an accountability tracker, or at least a progress update, for her OneWord365. I joined last month and was glad for the quick status check on my journey. We will see if I can keep it up all year. (My stellar blogging on time record, you know?!)
I finally sat down tonight to reflect on the changes, or progress, since last time. My word is JOURNEY. And I had anticipated slowing down this year - spending more time focused on how I was getting places; how I was moving through life, rather than on the end destination. It led to lots more quality time with my kiddos (we were at 5 snow days the last time I reflected. Now we've had 13. That's 8 more. We all still have some degree of sanity, so that's a journey score!). I have also noticed considerably less stress in a few situations with my ex and his new wife (another journey score! plus 2 scores on the grace 2013 tally sheet. I will keep that record growing!)
I've also been weighing some other things in my life (no, this is not an annoucement of "I got a second tattoo in as many months". I am quite happy with just one for now.). And I had been praying for wisdom, as well as patience. Praying for a way to stick with where I was because of the things I saw that wanted me to stay. But then I changed how I was praying - I was feeling more and more unsettled. And, true to His promises, my prayers were answered. Much faster than I expected (sidebar ... am I the only one continually amazed at how fast prayers can be answered? I so often think that I will have to labor over a request for months on end. And sometimes that's the case, but sometimes it's a fast response. And I'm always blown away.)
I started asking for clear direction - for a catalyst to help me know whether I should stay with the status quo (familiar, comfortable, and nothing specifically wrong ... but just not what I NEED right now) or if I should seek something else - something that would meet the need. And within 2 weeks of the change in how I was asking, I had an obvious answer. One thing after another lined up in quick succession and it became abundantly clear that the next part of my journey this year involves a step out in faith. I won't sugar coat it - this is a pretty huge step, and I'm feeling unsettled as the destination of this leg is not yet known. I am a planner, and seeking change without a planned destination is not in my comfort zone. (Score one for the stretch factor on my journey). I may not have resolution to this part by the March update - in fact, I expect it is a several month work in progress. But the lack of major milestones in a few weeks does not mean the journey is paused.
In choir practice tonight, we sang these words, from "Bow The Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland.
How is your OneWord impacting your year? I'm interested to hear about it!
I finally sat down tonight to reflect on the changes, or progress, since last time. My word is JOURNEY. And I had anticipated slowing down this year - spending more time focused on how I was getting places; how I was moving through life, rather than on the end destination. It led to lots more quality time with my kiddos (we were at 5 snow days the last time I reflected. Now we've had 13. That's 8 more. We all still have some degree of sanity, so that's a journey score!). I have also noticed considerably less stress in a few situations with my ex and his new wife (another journey score! plus 2 scores on the grace 2013 tally sheet. I will keep that record growing!)
I've also been weighing some other things in my life (no, this is not an annoucement of "I got a second tattoo in as many months". I am quite happy with just one for now.). And I had been praying for wisdom, as well as patience. Praying for a way to stick with where I was because of the things I saw that wanted me to stay. But then I changed how I was praying - I was feeling more and more unsettled. And, true to His promises, my prayers were answered. Much faster than I expected (sidebar ... am I the only one continually amazed at how fast prayers can be answered? I so often think that I will have to labor over a request for months on end. And sometimes that's the case, but sometimes it's a fast response. And I'm always blown away.)
I started asking for clear direction - for a catalyst to help me know whether I should stay with the status quo (familiar, comfortable, and nothing specifically wrong ... but just not what I NEED right now) or if I should seek something else - something that would meet the need. And within 2 weeks of the change in how I was asking, I had an obvious answer. One thing after another lined up in quick succession and it became abundantly clear that the next part of my journey this year involves a step out in faith. I won't sugar coat it - this is a pretty huge step, and I'm feeling unsettled as the destination of this leg is not yet known. I am a planner, and seeking change without a planned destination is not in my comfort zone. (Score one for the stretch factor on my journey). I may not have resolution to this part by the March update - in fact, I expect it is a several month work in progress. But the lack of major milestones in a few weeks does not mean the journey is paused.
In choir practice tonight, we sang these words, from "Bow The Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland.
There are moments on our journey following the LordTonight I find myself headed down a dimmer path. Clearly leading away from the familiar on a journey to the as-yet unknown, but I am confident that this is exactly where I belong. I am hesitant in some respects - it is always tough to leave a place of comfort, especially without a new end already on the map. But far outweighing my hesitation is the excitement of the new, unexplored, endless possibilities that the Lord has laid in front of me. So I am stepping out, heading down the dim path, fully seeing that just the first steps are lit up bright as the noonday sun. And that's really the point of the journey - just take the next right step. And then the next step after that. The dim path will grow brighter as I follow close behind the footprints laid before me.
Where God illumines every step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim
And our questions have no answers, turn to Him
Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father when answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.
There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won't cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise, Don't forget we live by faith and not by sight.
How is your OneWord impacting your year? I'm interested to hear about it!
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