inRL 2013

I spent this weekend at a conference with 6,000 other women. Right here, at home. And, everywhere else around the world, too. Made some new friends. Met a neighbor (we're 4 blocks apart?) but went all the way to Annandale to do it. Laughed till I cried. And cried until I laughed. We spent the weekend talking about STAYING. Staying when it's hard. Staying when you don't want to. Being the one to reach out, even when you are afraid. It takes courage, it takes love. Sometimes it takes a kick in the behind, or a friend reaching out for your hand and DRAGGING you along. But it's worth it.

I took a lot of interesting tidbits from the weekend. So rather than a long flowery post (which really, I am not sure I can write one of those anyway. I mostly write in 5 minute spurts, with a prompting from Lisa-Jo), I thought I would just bring you my list of a-ha thoughts from my incredible inRL experience.

* I don't remember who said what, and who thought what, and what are my own thoughts. So don't assume these words are mine. Especially if you KNOW they are yours, or someone else's. Just take them in. I'm sharing what I heard as well as what I "thinkity-thinked" on my own.




On mentors
- We mentor just by being WILLING to tell our stories, because God gave us each a story to tell.
- Never be afraid to speak encouragement into someone else's life.
- Speak life into the people in your sphere
- It's walking over the mountains AND through the valleys
- It is NOT about seeing results, it IS about planting seeds
- It's not about being perfect. It's about being perfectly open.  
- They meet you where you're at. They let you be yourself. They sometimes just "guide the crazy" a little bit.

On community
- We don't need information. (you can google anything). We need connection.
- God built us for community
- Small is the new big
- We all have a different journey. But sometimes the bits of your journey are something someone else needs / wants / has been through too. Share your bits, and others will feel willing to share their bits too.

On girlfriends
- We are strong
- We are resilient
- We are survivors
- We are women of hope
- We are huggers; criers; lovers; laughers.
- Above all, we are REAL.  

And ... it's OK to say ... My life is a mess this week. How's yours?  :-)

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Here's a peek at my NoVA inRL ladies from this weekend

Friend (Five Minute Friday)

 It's Friday! And better than that, it's inRL Friday. WOOOT! I'm doing the happy dance over here - it's one of my favorite days of the year. And Lisa-Jo picked a FANTASTIC word for today. So, in preparation for my community experience tonight, I get to take a few extra minutes and focus on my friends. Can't beat it! So, here's the rules: 

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

and then here we go. 

FRIEND

Go.

What is a friend? Depends on the day, on the time. It's someone who's walked the journey I am walking, one step - one day - one year ahead of me. Or it's the gal who's holding my hand as we wait for the kindergarten bus to arrive. Or the girl who stays up with me night after night when I need to cry after my heart's been broken. Or the girl who stays up with me all night to spread the school spirit love a little wider. It's the girl who picks m-n-ms out of her wedding reception bowls alongside me and it's the girl who loves me when I am at my worst. The one who comes over when my house is a wreck and hugs my kids, and hugs my neck and says it's ok. It's the girl who calls when she knows I need her, even when I don't know I need her. It's the one who asks me to stand beside her on the most important day in her life, and the girl who stood beside me at mine. It's the mom who holds you when you think you are failing at being a mom and the girl who picks you up and raises your spirit when it's at its lowest. It's the woman who takes you out on a kid free night and makes you laugh until you cry. It's the girl who walks 39 miles beside you for a cause you both believe in. It's the girl who travels across the ocean with you so you don't have to go on vacation alone. Tonight it's all the thousands of women who tuned into #inRL and laughed, cried, shared, embraced the hard world of community together.

It's the girl, the mom, the woman, who God puts in your life right at the moment you need her most.

Stop.

Side note -- I describe a few of my different friends from different times of life above. But this picture below is one of my dearest friends, see note about standing beside her on the most important day :)  Even though the distance between us is far greater than either of us would prefer.

Jump (Five Minute Friday)

It's Friday. It's time to stop, write, post, and share a little love.  And after the week we've had ... perhaps this is needed more now than some other Fridays in recent memory.

Here's how it works.
1. Write for 5 minutes on the prompt (AKA word of the week)
2. Link up over here
3. Click on the post of the person who linked up before you. Read it. Give them a little pick-me-up. That's the best part. Encourage someone today. You'll be glad you did. You might even find a little encouragement for yourself along the way.

Ready?  This week we're writing on:

JUMP.

Go.

So often, jump is used for good. Afraid to try something new? Jump in. Ready to begin a playdate in the pool? Jump into the water. Skydiving? Jump out the door. Starting an exercise routine? Jump to it.

But today, I feel like I saw the best, and the worst, of jumping in all at the same time.

Law enforcement in Boston: they jumped into hot pursuit of the bombing suspects. One officer gave his life. These brave folks jumped at the call. That's why we have them, and I am so thankful. They stayed hot on the trail, they pursued, and they got their man. This? This is as good as jump ever gets.

But ... did you see the news? The false reports? the bad info. Mixed in with the good. That... that is jumping in the worst way. Putting information out before verified. Needing to be first more than needing to be right.  That jumping makes me crazy. That can cause pandemonium.  And who needs added chaos on top of what a situation has already presented? 

I'm glad the suspect is in custody. I am thankful for EVERY SINGLE PERSON who made that possible. The officers, the citizens of Boston, the person who called and said "I think he's here" when HERE was outside the perimeter.  You all are heroes.

For the rest of us ... let's not jump to conclusions. Believe in the system. Let justice run its course. Ask questions, pray for the victims and the survivors. Stand with Boston. Stand tall. Stand proud. Stand united.  But STAND.  Don't jump off the deep end.

Stop.

Here (Five Minute Friday)

Yeah, I know. It's Tuesday.  BUT it isn't next Friday yet, so I'm still on time (ish).  I got swamped last week. Life happens, right?
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Want to know how Five Minute Friday got started and how to participate? All the details are here.

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on:::

Here…

 Go.
It's Tuesday when I finally find time to write this week. And a hard Tuesday at that. Reeling from the news in Boston. Swirling in emotions and overwhelmed with gratitude. Thankful that I am here. Thankful that I could spend a few extra minutes with my youngest today. We stood in the kindergarten registration line. "Mama, can I go to school NOW?" She's delighted that soon she can follow in the steps of big sister. She's thrilled to be moving on to the next adventure.

Her mama ... well ... not so much. I am glad she's excited. I love the glint in her eye as she sees the world unfolding. And yet, I am a little bit sad. My baby isn't a baby anymore. She's a little girl with a mind of her own. And she has a fantastic eye for color.

(notice the outfit. "Mama, I love me some stripes") She's brave, this one. Big sister was always tentative.  This one can't wait for whatever else is coming. Ready for tomorrow, ready to take on the world.  So, for today,  I will hug her a little closer, and revel in the here and now.   And let tomorrow come later.

Stop.

Community (in)RL

Sometimes you find yourself on a journey you NEVER IN YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATION expected you'd be on. And sometimes in the midst of that journey you feel alone. Completely alone. As if no one has ever possibly been there.

It's not really a great feeling, wandering the great unknown, scared and confused. But it's at those very moments that community appears and embraces you. When you least expect it.  So it goes with my story.  Learning to navigate the world of single mommy-ing. Learning to redefine my family.  Dealing with frustration and learning how to forgive. Some days just figuring out how to put one foot in front of the other and make until bedtime, so I could collapse and do it all again the next day.  And right in the midst of all that, the Lord directed my reading - someone sent me a post from somewhere (no clue where now) which had a link to another post, which had a link to somewhere else, which led me to (in)courage. 

Here I found so much of what I was seeking. Other ladies walking journeys. Some like mine, some totally different, but all of us seeking a way to be encouraged, or to BE an encouragement to another. You can share your heart. You can share your fear. You can share your prayer requests. And someone, often lots of someones, will respond. You'll laugh together; cry together; groan at the latest sticky-fingered mess one of you is cleaning up.  All on-line, from the safe place behind your computer screen.  Which for a long time was just what I needed.

And then, last year, the lovelies who spearhead this effort had a stroke of genius. And an opportunity was given to start to make the community at the keyboard a community of real live hugging ladies too.  (live hugs ... and chocolate ... a winner for sure).  So they embarked on the trek to bring a conference - for all of us. No travel. No hotels. No overnight babysitting extravaganzas.  One night at home, in your PJs with a cup of cocoa.  And one glorious Saturday morning where a few (or a lot) of the names you've read in comments or at the end of postings, become real live people. Hugs, tears, laughs... tons of laughs.  Sharing our hearts and our lives in real life.  Powerful weekend. Life changing for me.  I got to know Rachel a lot better (she goes to my church - we should have done this long ago. But life gets in the way.) And I got to meet Amy.  And Lisa-Jo (I had been reading her stuff for a year - and she knew one of my college girlfriends - and she lived only 20 miles from me ... and I had NO IDEA. That's the confusing - and fun - world of the internet).  We shared stories. We shared snacks. We laughed; we cried. We prayed and we (in)couraged each other.  

I'm so excited that we get to do it again this year. And it's only TWO WEEKS AWAY!  It's not too late to join in. Find a meet-up where you are - Ireland or Illinois or Japan or Jersey.  Or even if you can only join us from home on Friday night and from your laptop again on Saturday, your heart will be blessed. It's fun, fabulous ... and did I mention FREE?  So come play. Register here. Bring your online community to your real life location.

See you there :)

After (Five Minute Friday)

It's Friday - time to write what's on your heart, for 5 minutes.  The rules are simple, and the fun is immeasurable.  Won't you come write with us?

Here's how it works:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt “After” with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.
2. Link up here and invite others to join in .
3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

Ok, are you ready? The word of the week is AFTER.

Go.
There's so many places my thoughts run with the word after.  Life is all divided into a series of before and after, really. After college. After marriage. After kids. After divorce. After winter.  After school ends.  and so on.

BUT - as a kid from Flanders, NJ, "After" has an altogether different context - one that brings back happy memories. You see, we have this little restaurant, called "The After".  It's a charbroil burger kind of place, but I remember it for the ice cream. (Who doesn't love ice cream?) We used to go to the After after everything. Band concerts. Tricky Trays. School plays. Dentist appointments. (yes, ice cream on squeaky shiny teeth ... but that's a story for another day). With friends, with family. With younger siblings we didn't want along so we made them sit under the table. Birthday parties. Breakfast on a weekend. Did I mention late nights after band concerts (marching band ... and middle school orchestra ... and elementary school everything). The After is a part of so many Flanders lives ... and every time I go home, we drive by. And my memories come flooding back.

Come to think of it, I don't know that my kiddos have ever been to The After. TRAGEDY.  Hey mom - when we come home next, I think an ice cream run is in store ... meet me at The After, won't you?

Stop.

Catch Up

I used to post Five Minute Friday on tumblr. Before I figured out blogspot.  So here's my past posts - not because anyone else necessarily needs to see them, but so I won't lose them.


http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/44305770494/ordinary-five-minute-friday

http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/43772481489/what-mama-did-five-minute-friday

http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/43654213107/beloved-five-minute-friday

http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/42562664892/five-minute-friday-bare

http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/41420911246/five-minute-friday-again

http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/42074987363/five-minute-friday-afraid

and below is my one non-five-minute-friday archive post.  I think I will add a new one this week.  We've been having some serious fun in this house, and I have a few pictures to go with it.  So if I can get my act together I will share a peek into the adventures of Raising Nats Fans.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
Jen
http://vandygirl1998.tumblr.com/post/41783553406/natsfest-2013