WAIT (a year in review)

This is the 4^th year I’ve chosen the path of OneWord365 instead of New Year’s resolutions. One word to focus on throughout the year.

If you know me at all, you know I am a planner. (Some might say an over planner). I do it all day every day for my job and I also find that it makes my household run somewhat smoother. The kids like having a schedule. And I like having one, too. There’s something to be said for knowing what is coming. Yes, spontaneity is fun and there’s a time and place for it, but it’s not my preference. (ok, I admit it. Surprises are fun but totally unplanned events / happenings make me VERY, VERY nervous.)

Waiting doesn’t have to equate to not planning, but I interpreted it that way, purposely. I tried not to plan everything as soon as an idea popped into my head.  I tried to let ideas simmer more and to weigh them as options in their high level form before getting mired in the details of potential execution. It was hard.

As I look forward to 2016 I see a lot of changes on the horizon for us. Honestly, I saw them coming earlier this year – wanted some of them to happen sooner – but couldn’t see a path for how to get them rolling. So I waited. Hoped. Anticipated. Tried to put them out of my mind, instead of planning a way to make them get here.

Lots of late night discussions with some very important people and many, many hours spent praying for a path or direction, still nothing. Just waiting. I could see the destination and could not see the path. Not even the first step. Wait. Wait. Wait.

I didn’t like it at all. I spent many a night fretting and many a night in tears with my frustration. However, as the year came to a close, a lot of other things have changed. Circumstances beyond my control and things completely unexpected have all set in motion. The path I could not even imagine less than 6 months ago is emerging right before my eyes. Decisions I thought would be hard won’t even have to be made because other people have made some choices and set the stones into place. Now all I have to do is follow the path, one step at a time.

My usual method of plan and execute was put to the test with a mission to wait and see. The waiting yielded the direction and also the confirmation I needed that these are the next right steps for us.

And so 2015 comes to a close, the waiting nearly complete. Timing of life with kids is such that there is a little more waiting to be done, but now there is a healthy, refreshing dose of planning to go with it. And as the start of 2016 stands before us tonight, the year of PURSUE begins.

 

**You can read more about the One Word 365 Community here**

 

Surprise!

I'm from a small town in New Jersey. (note this is not really a SMALL TOWN as some others would describe their towns. But felt small to me. Everyone knew each other mostly and that was good). In High School I joined the marching band and met a girl. She and I hit it off right away and became fast friends. Best friends. She was a senior and I was a freshman. She was as much as big sister as she was a friend. We made lots of fun memories for the whole year. And the summer after. And then she went away to college. Not very far, but I could not drive and she didn't come home every weekend (which was good. because you're supposed to go away and find yourself or something).

So, because this was back in the dark ages of no cell phones and long distance phone bills and NO EMAIL (heavens this makes me sound old.) ...we wrote. Long, long letters and some short ones. Cards and pictures and more letters. Some weeks we wrote every day and some weeks we skipped but there were shoe boxes full of letters before we were done.

And there was the ball. The friendship ball. It was a silver ball, about the size of one of those Christmas balls you can buy in the shiny colors. It was hinged, and had a reddish tassel on it. (I didn't remember the tassel at first.).  I had read a story somewhere, or maybe my friend had.  In one of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books. You know, the ones that make you laugh, and weep? The feel good and sometimes heartbreaking ones? Yeah. Those.

So, the idea with the ball is that one friend would tuck a surprise into it, and mail it to the other one. And then eventually the recipient would find a something and send it back to the first. We passed that ball back and forth a lot. Little candies and some notes and pins and I forget what all went in there. Not with every letter, but just sometimes. Sometimes for Christmas, and sometimes for birthdays. And sometimes just because. That ball went back and forth for years.

Eventually I went away to college, too. Farther than where she had gone. And then she got a job in a small town in Delaware, which was still closer to home than I was, but not really home. And then as things go, I met a boy. I got married. She was my maid of honor. I've never been happier to have her standing beside me. I moved away, because that is what an Army wife does.  We wrote, but less often now, as life got in the way. My fault, really ... I let things slide. The ball ... well that stopped showing up eventually, but we still wrote. A few times a year plus Christmas cards.

Email existed by then... but somehow with us, email just didn't work. It didn't feel the same. Years and years of pen on paper felt stale to me when seen on a screen. I labored over those letters and the time spent writing with a pen ... finding just the right card to say I miss you or whatnot ... that meant more to me than typing.  So the letters were fewer, but the Christmas cards still happened. Then she met a boy. He's a gem.  And she got married. I was delighted to be in her wedding. That was a fun day. A fun weekend. Every time we got together, it was like we were never apart, though we saw each other so seldom those years. That weekend was hot and sticky and we stayed up oh-so-late icing the wedding cake together. and laughing until we cried. That's my favorite part - how we laughed so hard together. EVERY SINGLE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER.

The wedding was lovely and the groom - that guy is so very good to her, and for her and I am glad to call him a part of the family. I moved closer - but not really close enough to visit and life was still in the way. I had a couple of kids. And life was busy. My marriage fell apart... eventually I wrote to tell her what was happening but it was hard. Sharing makes it real and I didn't want to admit it was real for a very long time.

She and her husband became foster parents. And then there were so many kids - so many wonderful kids. He's on facebook (hello facebook, thank you for the connection) so now I could see pictures of all those sweet girls.  And I wrote once in a while, and she did too. But still not as often as I would have wanted. And the phone - we just didn't call. By now we certainly could, but we didn't. The letters held me together all those years.

And then one Christmas when I didn't have my girls, I stopped to say hello. We visited for the first time since her wedding I think. I hugged those kids and hugged her neck and we cried. and laughed. We had a great visit and I promised to stop again soon. But life.  So I did not.

And then she had one of those milestone birthdays.  (The one I will have next year). And her husband threw her a surprise party. He invited me and I went. WOO WOO! Drove up. Couldn't stay as long as I wanted, but got to go and hug her neck and meet the next crowd of darling little girls. And we visited. Chatted. Caught up. Felt like no time had passed even though it had been way too many years. And then I headed home. With promises that we would keep in touch better. Except we didn't.  Christmas cards were about all we managed. A note in the cards, but that's all.

And then a few weeks ago I was out. And I saw this card. I was shopping for something else but I saw the card and I thought of her and I missed her hard. My heart hurt with how much I missed her. So I bought the card. I wrote a note. Stuck it in the mail before life  got in the way again.

And then today.  Today I found a shoe box on my doorstep. Mailed from her house. And inside it was a letter like the old days. 4 long front and back pages. I had asked her to tell me all about her 4 darling girls. And she obliged. And now I know them a teensy bit better.  Now when I see the photos on the facebook page I can imagine what it took to get them ... how they would have assembled themselves or why #3 would be doing something so very different in the same picture when the rest of them are all focused on one thing. I read the letter twice. And then I realized it had come in a shoe box. Hello. a letter fits in an envelope. Why the box?

There was tissue paper and newspaper crumpled up in it. I pulled the first few pieces out, smoothing them to make sure there wasn't some point I was missing with the paper patterns. And then it hit me like a flash. The long forgotten friendship ball. IT WAS IN THE BOX.  I dug it out. And I cried. Happy tears with lots of memories.  My 10 year old was watching me ... "mom, what IS that?" So I told her the story of how we passed it back and forth over the years.  How long, mom?  I stopped to think... We've been passing that ball back and forth since roughly 1991. So 24 plus years that ball has been moved.  It's been dormant a LOT of years.  But tonight all the memories poured right out and filled my heart up.  And when we opened it, inside were 3 beautiful bead necklaces.  That her girls had carefully made - one for each of us. My 7 year old asked about keeping the ball - and we filled her in on the story.  Oh, mom! Then we must send it back!!

And tonight my girls drifted off to sleep dreaming of treasures for us to send to the 4 little girls in her house. Daughters of their mama's best friend.  The ball is now tarnished and worn ... the tassel is thinner than I remember it.  Faded but not whitewashed.  Ours is a friendship that has faltered ... but not failed. And tonight- is a little bit stronger than yesterday.

the friendship ball

necklaces for all of us

When Words Might Not Be Enough ...

Where do you start to write the goodbye that you don't ever want to say but you fear is standing right in front of your face? How do you begin to say thank you for someone who does so much?

I don't really know. And my words aren't likely to be eloquent or brilliant like so many others are. But I've got to say it. I've got to get something out before I can't even speak.


Dear Ian,

We've watched you grow up before our eyes. You've gone from being just a short stop to being the heart of our team. You've made DC a priority and you've made people a priority. We love watching you play. How you give your all every single time you take the field. How you play every single day. When the team is doing great you support them. When they're struggling you carry them. There is not ever a day I've watched you play and thought that perhaps you could have done more. You never hold back. You never shy away from telling people like it is, or from owning the struggle when it's yours. You talk to the media, face down the hard times and set an example for everyone. You allow others to shine. You make people feel welcome. You embrace the new guys and sing their praises. Even when it might be the very player who eventually takes your place on the field. There aren't many men who do that.

It's a joy to watch you play and to know that when my girls look up to you, they see someone who does it right. Who always takes the high road and who puts the team first. That's a legacy of which you can be proud.

But for us... For me... It's more than just baseball. I'm so honored to have had the chance to work with you. To stand alongside you and make a difference for people beyond baseball. The work you've done at the Nationals Youth baseball academy is tremendous. The kids in DC love spending time with you. Thank you for giving so much of your time to be in the community. Thank you for making these kids feel at home, safe, welcome, and for encouraging them. They notice. You've changed lives.

Closer to home for me: thank you for the gift of hope. You used your time, your resources, and your name to make a difference for those fighting the battle of a life with NF. The campaign last May raised so much money.... And it spread the word. We can't fight what we don't know exists. There are good people doing good work to find a cure and the #EndNF campaign that you started here is helping with that. Not only the money and the time last year though... The event you hosted on the field in Atlanta. Thank you for letting those kids come down, hang out, take in BP and meet you. Thank you for taking time out of your day and your routine to spend some time with them. Thank you for providing passes and access and for being genuine with them. For asking about their circumstances. For sharing a moment with each of them.

And thank you for giving me the gift of a friendship with Ethan, Jan, and Rick. I may never have met them, except for the #EndNF campaign last year, and today I don't know where I'd be without them. Ethan challenges me to think differently, and he's the bravest young man I know. I am blessed to know and love him. You made that possible.

As I watch what may be your last game wearing the uniform of the team I love, please know that wherever the Lord leads you next, you'll always be loved here in Washington. We are proud to have had you as a leader on this team. I'm a better person and a better servant in the community because of you. Thank you for everything, both on and off the field. My kids and I wish you, Chelsey, and the boys the best of luck and much success always. You're in our hearts forever.

With love from Natstown,
Jen
@vandygirl1998

Learn (Five Minute Friday)

The end of this summer marks the completion of 6 full years of walking the single parent road. The separation / divorce I didn’t ask for is now just a part of my life. Last week I had the opportunity to learn just how far I’ve come in that time. 

It used to hurt when people asked what happened. I dreaded being asked “where is your husband?” I cringed when someone asked the girls why their daddy wasn’t with us. But slowly the pain has faded. I no longer fear being asked. 

And this was made evident last week. A friend’s daughter asked, as kids often do, “where are S&A?” when I was at an event alone. I replied “they’re with their dad today and I get to pick them up tonight.” She responded “Oh.” Then she was quiet a minute. Then she asked “Wait. Are they all at your house waiting for you?”  I continued: “No, they’re at their dad’s house. They come back to my house tonight.” And then she asked “Does their dad not live with you?”  me: “no, he lives with their stepmom and little brother.” Her: “Wait. They have a brother and he is not your baby?” Me: “Correct.”  Her: “What, does their dad not like you anymore?”  (Her dad interjects here to try and get her to stop with all the questions.  I said it was ok to continue)  Me: “yeah, I think he didn’t like me too much any more”.  Her: “that’s dumb.  You and S & A are fun.” <end conversation>

A few years ago – not too many years ago , in fact – this would have upset me a lot. I could have probably held it together and managed to sneak away before bursting into tears. In the first few years, I would not have even made it through half of that exchange before I would have excused myself. But last week? It was OK. Kids just ask what they are thinking and wondering, and just call it like they see it. They don’t intend to hurt, usually. And I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I wasn’t phased by the conversation at all. Sure, it’s still a little pang, as the circumstances by which my ex “decided he didn’t like me anymore” are rather lousy. But, gone are the days of this making me an emotional train wreck. So, thanks my little friend, for showing me that it really is ok to talk about it – all of it – and that my heart is back in one piece.

Posting as a part of Five Minute Friday. You can read the posts on the prompt “Learn” here at Kate’s place. (I am a week late so the link up isn’t open). The link up for this week coming soon J

Fulfilled (a book review)

I had the opportunity to get a sneak peek at Danise Jurado’s book Fulfilled: Learning to Live the Life God Promised. It releases next week, on the 25^th, but I’ve had a chance to read it – and thanks to Danise’s generosity, I have a signed copy to give away to one lucky reader as well.  Details on how to win (and details on another giveaway) at the bottom.

Fulfilled is a balanced mix of personal stories and practical advice for how to live life to the full potential given you. I expected this to be a lofty, idealistic book – something teeming with clichés and generalizations. Instead it is hands-on. It is detailed and specific. Danise shares details and hardships – the times when things were at their worst – and how she, with God’s help, overcame all those situations. How she took the knowledge she has of God and His power, what she reads in His Word, and what she has learned from prior experience – and turned it into useful advice. It has targeted activities with real life examples from Danise’s own journey, but shows the reader how to apply in their own life. 

The chapters take you through a logical progression – from the most basic need of salvation and a relationship with God, through the hard choices of forgiveness and restoration, and forward on the challenging but rewarding journey of hope, joy and courage.  The chapter on family was particularly insightful for me. Danise’s parents divorced when she was young and it discusses how to piece a new family together – something very much needed in my own walk. She writes “I learned at a very young age that, when you are willing to open your heart and accept others, anyone can become your family.” This encouraged my heart – that walking the path as a single mom now need not define how our family is constructed. My identity is not found only in a broken family, but now also in a whole, yet different family.  Later on, this is summarized: “Our value as people doesn’t change just because our roles or responsibilities have changed.”

In the later chapters, Danise moves on to the harder aspects of growing in faith and fulfillment: finding your courage and confidence. Sometimes it is easy to get stuck in the existence of every day. It is a simple choice to give up, especially in the face of a challenge. But Danise reminds the reader that these journeys and struggles aren’t unique. They aren’t one-time isolated events. Every hurdle you overcome is a stepping stone to the next challenge set before you. “Confidence that has been built with the wisdom of preparation can only truly succeed if its foundation is faith in God, who is always bigger than the unexpected.”  You can train, practice, study, or however you look at it. But even the most prepared individual in any situation can face something unexpected with the task at hand. Knowing that God can bridge those gaps brings confidence to attempt them anyway, rather than to turn tail and run. 

These are only a few of the valuable points made within the pages of Fulfilled. It’s an easy read from the perspective of being written in down to earth language, with real life examples. Yet at the same time, it is a challenge – lots of step-by-step in the earlier sections that are meant to mull on and pray over. Practical applications that when complete allow the later chapters to have more influence on daily choices.

You can purchase a copy of Fulfilled on Amazon. 50% of the proceeds benefit the Dream Center.  And you can enter to win a signed copy by leaving a comment below. Entry closes on August 27 at midnight Eastern Time. Winner will be selected at random from all entries received.

**Note** in addition to your comment for the entry, please send me an email so that I have a way to contact you if you are the winner. I can't make the comment form mask your email and I don't want you to have to list it. Thanks** 

In addition, Danise has a $100 giveaway that is open until September 25, with unlimited entries.

Thanks, Danise, for the opportunity to read your book and to pass it along to someone else.

Favorite (Five Minute Friday)

Welcome to Five Minute Friday where I write on the wrong day of the week about the prompt provided by Kate - and then link with all the folks who wrote on time to share our thoughts. Five minutes, raw and unedited.

This week the word is FAVORITE. And while I will still pour my heart out for a few, I might not stop at 5 minutes this time. Because I want to tell you about my favorite baseball player.

Lots of my friends love baseball. Lots of people love baseball. Some have favorite players and some don't. And reasons people pick their favorite are as varied as the people who walk the face of the earth. Some like players who hit, or ones who throw untouchable fast balls. Some like players with personality, pizzazz, or ones who choose particular walk up music. There are folks who like players for their good looks or for where they played college ball, or just because they're on a particular team.

My favorite player is liked for a lot of reasons by many people. For me, it's his heart. Ian Desmond, shortstop for the Washington Nationals has the biggest heart of any baseball player I know. Last year Ian led a campaign to raise money for the Children's Tumor Foundation. (I wrote about that here. And in that post are links to all the back story of Ian's friendship with Ethan and how everything got started. Hop over and have a read).

It could have stopped there. The campaign raised over $30,000 and that is amazing. But Ian did it because he cares about the cause. Because Ethan is his friend, and like a little brother. I've become friends with Ethan and his family as well, and this whole year I've seen posts about the time Ian makes to check in and see how things are. To make sure Ethan has what he needs - to offer advice about girls, and to offer advice about friendships, and to offer wise counsel about where to study in Scripture.

And it could stop there. But it doesn't. Last week I organized an outing to a Nationals-Braves game in Atlanta. We did it through the Georgia chapter of the Children's Tumor Foundation. The Braves were gracious hosts and made sure we could get our seats in the shade, with wheelchair access if needed. We had a group of 17 people come to the game. A few of us flew down from DC. Some drove in from South Carolina and Alabama. And a few were Atlanta locals.

I reached out to Ian and let him know we were trying to get a group together. And Ian, with the Nationals, hosted us at batting practice before the game. Every single person in our group was able to get down on the field to watch BP. Ethan and his family joined us, too. 21 people in the BP crowd. But it doesn't even stop there.

Ian came out onto the field well before the Nationals were even due out to warm up. He came over to our group. He took photos with us, signed balls and programs, for way more people than he should have had to. But more than photos and signing, he took time with us. He stopped to visit with all the folks in our group. He engaged the kids and talked with them. Not cursory hellos, but thoughtful conversation. "What's happening. What's your name. (and then he used their names for the rest of the conversations). How are you. Do you have NF1 or NF2. Tell me your story.  Tell me about your family." And on and on.

Great to see this group from @ChildrensTumor, guests of Ian Desmond, rocking Curly W's here in Atlanta! #Nats #EndNF pic.twitter.com/vFNBNYmwlE

— Washington Nationals (@Nationals) June 30, 2015

The time Ian devotes to people - to investing in them. To making them feel special and important and welcome. To understanding what they are facing and making them feel included. THIS is what I love about Ian and this is why he is my favorite baseball player. We are lucky to have a role model on this team who puts his faith and his heart into action, and who shares that willingly and openly with the community. Because of how Ian speaks of Ethan and his heart to EndNF with the guys on the team, others on the team, including Bryce Harper and Dan Uggla, came over to say hello and visit as well.

Thank you, Ian, for making our group feel loved. For using your name to give a voice to a cause that needs more spokespeople, and for sharing your heart to #EndNF in Washington. (and Atlanta). (and across the world).

On behalf of all the folks who came out to the game last week: from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.



a few pictures from the evening are below.

 

Dream (Five Minute Friday)

This post is a part of Five Minute Friday, hosted by Kate. Where we get the word, write for 5 minutes, and then link here with lots of other writers - all sharing hearts and encouraging each other.

DREAM
Do you have a bucket list? I do. It's a hodge podge of things I want to do or places I want to go and such. Includes watching a sunset in Hawaii, visiting Australia, taking my kids to Paris, seeing Mount Rushmore, hiking in the Grand Canyon, seeing the Alps....
and until last week it included going to the College World Series in Omaha, Nebraska.

Last week I got to put a big check on my bucket list. My alma mater, Vanderbilt University has a fabulous baseball team. They won the CWS last year - national champions! I wanted to go last year, but timing, end of school, and exorbitant airfare prevented me from making it happen.

welcome sign at the airport in Omaha

So, when Vandy made it back to the CWS (8 teams go), my friend and colleague who lives in Omaha messaged me. "Are you coming?" I was admittedly on the fence. How would the logistics work? Could the girls stay with their dad and stepmom for a few days outside of our normal schedule? Could I get a flight?

And so I decided I would try. Step 1: ask about kiddo coverage. Their dad graciously agreed to have a few extra days. YAY! next: check airfare. I found an amazing deal - bought those tickets in a hurry.  Step 3: figure out work stuff.  I am a telecommuter - my friend has everything I need since she's a telecommuter for the same company, plus she has an extra room at her place and set me up like a regular office.

I decided to go even if Vandy didn't make the finals. I might never have the opportunity again. My friend bought tickets to Monday and Tuesday's games. I had a return flight Wednesday night because I needed to get the kids Thursday.

and then -- VANDY MADE IT TO THE FINALS!! JACKPOT!

and so - off to Omaha I went. LATE flight Sunday night. And we arrived later than we were supposed to. I will spare you the airport drama in Chicago. I am still trying to forget it.

My friend picked me up in the wee hours. Monday afternoon we headed over to the stadium. I saw all the great photo spots.

only Vanderbilt and University of Virginia flags left standing tall. The other 6 teams had already been eliminated. 

Road to Omaha statue

Got my T-shirt. Went to the pep rally picnic. Went in and found our seats. Met up with a friend (he drove in from Dallas) who I had not seen since graduation.  (17 years ago... ). And then we watched the game. Cheered until we were hoarse.  End of game 1: Vandy wins!! One win away from the championship.

Tuesday, we went to dinner at an "Omaha pizza dive".  It was DELICIOUS! And I discovered fried ravioli.  I also found some CWS postcards to send home - to the girls and to my folks and to some UVA friends...   Tuesday night UVA won. I was hoarse and I was sad. If Vandy was going to win, they would do it without me there. OR WOULD THEY?

My friend said "can you stay?" And so I called Southwest on the way back to her house from the game. "Can I swap to the Thursday AM flight?"  and yes, I could.  No change fees. Small airfare difference.  WHOA! OK, I am in!!  And then another friend, who had driven in from Denver with her kids, asked if I wanted to go with her.  So I said yes. We got tickets Wednesday morning in the lottery drawing and were 8 rows behind the enemy dugout that night. We cheered loud and proud all night long. Our team fought hard and played their hearts out, but at the end of the day, Virginia prevailed. 4-2.

We cried. We cheered. Virginia was the better team that night, but I am still so proud of our guys. Returning to the national title game after winning the year before is no easy feat. And there's a pile of statistics running around somewhere about how evenly matched Vandy and UVA are, so we are all pulling for a rubber match next year.


After the game, we walked out of the stadium and waited for the team to board the bus. They finally came out after the press conference, tears in their eyes. But holding their heads high. The fans cheered and said thank you. The team stopped, the guys took photos with us and signed balls for kids and were classy all the way.

with Rhett Wiseman, who was drafted by the Washington Nationals

With Dansby Swanson, who was drafted first overall by the Arizona Diamondbacks

Several of them have played their last game in the Vandy pinstripes. They're headed off to the pros and I will cheer for each of them on their journey. Several will be back, and we have another banner recruiting class.  So maybe we WILL get that rematch next year. And maybe, just maybe, I can add "see my team win the national championship in person" to the things I've checked on my bucket list.

Even with the loss, college baseball in Omaha was better than I dreamed it could be. It truly is the "greatest show on dirt" and I would do it all again in a heartbeat, even knowing the outcome.

#AnchorDown #VandyBoys

I also got to meet David Price, former VandyBoy and now pitcher for the Detroit Tigers