What Will We Do On Wednesday?

3. More. Days.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or do I? This election season, more than any I can remember in my 40 years on this earth, has brought out the nastiness and vitriol and a general lack of respect for people's opinions like nothing I've ever seen.

At the end of the day Tuesday, the votes will be cast. Here's hoping that everyone who can vote actually DOES vote. And then one candidate will have prevailed over all the others. And we will go to bed late Tuesday night ... and awake Wednesday morning with the rest of our lives ahead of us.

Whether your candidate wins or loses ... whether my candidate wins or loses ... from the top of the ticket to the lowest position on the ballot ... wide sweeping reforms won't happen overnight. Big broad changes won't be in place by Thursday.  And I have news for you: no matter who wins, whether you supported them or not, those wide sweeping changes you crave (or fear - depending on who wins and where you stand) won't happen for awhile. If at all. Change on a broad scale can take time. There are obstacles. People need to get organized and make plans and write bills and enact them.

You know what doesn't take waiting for a long time? One someone choosing to do one something. As one person, I might not be making widespread national impact changes on Wednesday. Or on any other day. But I am making a difference.

I can look at the needs in MY community. Hungry kids? We can donate to the local foodbank. Cold kids? I have winter coats that my little has outgrown and they're in good shape. I can donate to the HS coat drive.  A neighbor who is sick and shut in? My kids and I can make a meal.  A mama healing from surgery? I can be the carpool brigade for her kiddos.

Know what? YOU can do the same. It's not sweeping vast public policy changes. It's close to home impact people changes. And I daresay that politics aside  ... making a difference in families right here is a much better way for me to change the world than ranting about how my candidate or your candidate did or didn't do something that they said they would.

Taking matters into my own hands. Using my voice to vote and then using what I have to give back and help someone else.

Because in my world: these are the things that matter. Empathy. Kindness. Compassion. Love.   Beyond the voting booth and into the community, I choose to make a difference, however small it may seem - it's not small to those on the receiving end.

On Wednesday - and every day - may we wake up and give back.  The light at the end of the tunnel: #LoveOn

Day 6: YOU

(posting late. Playing catch up tonight).

Dear friends,
YOU are such an integral part of my life. You who love me through hard days and you who hug me when I think I might fall apart. You who laugh with me when things are silly ... or ridiculous. You who love on my kids and welcome them into your hearts. You who call me when I never remember to call you first. You who reach out when you think I've been quiet too long. You who defend me when you think someone is doing something to me that shouldn't be done. You who watch games with me, or movies with me, or do puzzles with me. You who take me out for moms' night out and you who take the kids to give me a mom's night out. You who stop and pray for me and you who ask how you can pray and you who pray for me without even knowing what to pray for. You who send letters and emails and postcards and books. You who make time even when you don't have extra time to give. You who road trip and bus trip and train trip to celebrate events big or small. You who support charity walks and runs year after year. Some of you support with your checkbook and some of you support with your tweets and all of you support with your encouraging words and your hearts and I am thankful for each and every one of you.

I speak often of how it takes a village to raise a kid (or two) but it also takes a village to support a grown up, and I am thankful to have each of you in that village with me.  My world is a better place because of you.

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This post is a part of 31 Days of Five Minute Fridays. You can see all posts in the series here. 

Day 5: SILENCE

I watched an entire baseball game trying to decide what to post tonight. It was a ridiculous (in the best way) game. Pitchers' duel in a winner take all wild card game. (San Francisco Giants v New York Mets for you non baseball friends) The ballpark was rocking. All night long. Loud and rowdy. Cheering non stop. Much to cheer about (if you like low ... er zero ... scoring games).  And then ... top of the 9th ... Familia comes in for the Mets. I won't give you the play by play because lots of terrific baseball writers will give you that. But a couple of guys get on base for San Francisco. and then ... Conor Gillaspie (who? exactly). HOME RUN. And then ... crickets.  The ballpark that had been so loud it felt like I could hear it out my window (NYC to DC) ... deathly silent. All the air sucked out of everyone's lungs. Sure, there were still 3 outs for NY to get their chance to come back. But every Mets fan in that ballpark felt the win slip away. Their star pitcher matched the pitcher from SF for so many innings. Their bullpen was holding them even. Zeroes in the run column for both teams.  And then a series of (unfortunate events). And one pitch. And WHAM.

New York Mets: into the off season. Silent until Spring Training.  As for me, and my girls: we have baseball on Friday! Let's go Nats.


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This post is a part of the series 31 Days of Five Minute Fridays. You can find all the other posts in the series here.

Day 4:BREW

Sometimes people confess things in blog posts. This is not a giant secret, but it's a fact about me: I don't like coffee. Coffee ice cream? YES.  That is ICE CREAM. But coffee?  Ick. I am 40 and I've had one cup in my life (at my college reunion a few years ago to try it out) and it was bitter and gross even with a hundred sugars and a gallon of milk.  So . No coffee for me.

But - I love the smell of fresh brewed coffee. It reminds me of home. My daddy drinks a million (plus or minus) cups of coffee a day. (Sorry dad, I know it isn't that high any more but ... still seems like that). I have a coffee maker that I only take out when dad comes to visit - and then my house smells like fresh coffee in the morning and it lingers all day and I love it. If it weren't so wasteful, I'd consider brewing some on days when dad isn't here - I like the smell that much.

Maybe I need to learn how to make my own coffee ice cream. Then I could have the best of both worlds ... and that might tide me over until dad's next visit.

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This post is a part of 31 Days of Five Minute Friday. You can see all the other posts in the series here.

Day 3: WARDROBE

Wardrobe can be another word for closet, yes? yes. let's roll with that. I suppose it's more properly described as a free standing closet. Closets are good for hiding things - besides clothes, you can tuck all sorts of things in a closet. Shoes. Craft projects. Laundry baskets. Suitcases. Christmas and birthday surprises. Some fun things, and some boring, but necessary things.

Ever consider using a wardrobe as an analogy for your heart? Lots of things can get hidden in your heart, too. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Joy. Love. Kindness.

You open a wardrobe and pick out what to wear - and if you're like me (or especially like my kids) you choose your favorite things more often than the other things. The pants that fit just right or the shirt that makes you smile. The comfortable things or the ones that make your day better.

If you think of your heart the same way, when you open your heart every day, what do you choose to wear? What emotions fit "just right" or feel comfortable like an old  friend? The more you wear them, the better they fit, and the more you are drawn back to those as your first, easy pick.

My goal is to have kindness and joy and love as the first ones I go to. The ones that beckon each time I look inside. Some days it's hard and I need a little reminder to go back inside and get the good ones out. But every day I do, it makes them easier to pull out the next morning, too.

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This post is a part of Write 31 days. You can find all the posts in the series here.

Day 2: PAINT

We met at Nationals Park last night for a baseball game and then a special project. One of the player's wives is a dedicated ambassador in the effort to end human trafficking and human slavery. Last night the two efforts intersected with a chance for us to "paint" the sidewalk outside Nationals Park red as a part of the Red Sand Project.

I'd estimate about 30 people gathered after the game (maybe more!) and spread the sand in the cracks of the sidewalk. It was overwhelming to think about the people that are taken advantage of every day. Several people who weren't filling cracks with us asked what we were doing. It gave an opportunity to share the mission of the "sidewalk intervention" (there were post cards that we were able to hand out for informational purposes) and others stopped and asked to participate.

Spreading the word about @RedSandProject with @Half_St_Irr . #EndHumanTrafficking #RedSandProject pic.twitter.com/yOrPRBvQDx

— Jen Underwood (@vandygirl1998) October 1, 2016

It was cool to go back to the park today - to see the sand and the hashtags we printed (sidewalk chalk) still there - and to see more people stopping to look and ask questions. We are often reminded that one person makes a difference. One person doing one small thing. Together we can do more. I am thankful for the opportunity to know some good hearted people through baseball, and to use that community to spread the word about other communities that need our help.

See some images / tweets from our experience below.

@emaysway @Half_St_Irr #RedSandProject #stophumantrafficking #EotRSB3 pic.twitter.com/59aHk5pljh

— p.a.m. (@wvtoots) October 2, 2016

Thanks everyone who participated in #RedSandProject tonight. We cannot ignore our most overlooked populations any longer! #EndModernSlavery pic.twitter.com/z3mnQj7qEH

— Erica May-Scherzer (@emaysway) October 2, 2016

Outside Nats Park spreading red sand ... raising awareness to end human trafficking. @redsandproject @emaysway pic.twitter.com/4Fv47aAzU5

— MaryB (@maryb889) October 1, 2016

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This post is a part of 31 days of Five Minute Fridays. Other posts in the series are here.

Day 1: WALK

We are fortunate to live close enough to my daughters' schools that we can walk to school most days. When they were both in elementary school, all 3 of us walked in the mornings and I listened to the girls each tell me what they were excited for that day and who they would see every morning. A (the little) was  always thinking which of S (the big)'s teachers she would hug. They shared stories and talked about which specials (PE, art, music, etc) they would have that day. Inevitably whichever kid had library was more excited than the other. (I love that they love the library. ALL THE BOOKS.)

This year S is in middle school. School starts later for her, so now the routine is that I walk with A and then home, get S and then walk with her. The conversations in the morning have changed. Still as enlightening for me, but in such a different way. Now that A is not chatting up a storm with big sister, she observes so much more of the surroundings as we walk. Yesterday we noted the "weird" things we saw on the walk - things that did not belong on the sidewalk. A pony tail holder. A splotch of paint.  17 slugs and countless worms "It is WET. So much rain Mama!" We still talk about teachers and specials but we now notice things that we used to just skip past. 

When I get home and collect S and head out the door, I have a whole different conversation. Middle school has been a bit of a tough transition. Now I hear about friends (some new, some old). Thursday I learned about the "end of day routine" - how long it takes to get to her locker, collect her books "ALLLLLL the homework, mom ... sigh" and who she makes sure to visit with before she begins the walk home. Who she walks home with. 

I have come to cherish the walk times because the peek into their worlds on the walk is different than when we are at home. I think in general, conversations are less intense when walking than when sitting at the table or confined to the house. The 1:1 is intimidating sometimes. All that pressure and focus is divided when you walk and talk at the same time, and it's been amazing what they've shared in their mommy-alone time.  Here's hoping we have more dry days than wet so the walks can continue all year long.

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This post is a part of 31 Days of Five Minute Fridays. You can see all posts in the series here. 

31 Days of Five Minute Fridays

There's a group of bloggers that write in October every single day. (Write 31 days). And often those writers do a theme for their posts. I learn lots of amazing things from them and I love the commitment to writing. I'm not great at long themed posts - I barely crank out 5 minutes a week most weeks.

Then the Five Minute Friday community thought that maybe a whole month of Five Minute Fridays would be fun. I tried that 2 years ago and wound up sidetracked part way through, but the attempt was fun. So I am going to try again this year.

Welcome to 31 Days of Five  Minute Fridays.   This is the home/ landing page for mine and every day that I managed to write, I will link the post to the word below. 

You can read all the people participating and get more details by going to our host page (thanks Christina!)

Day 1: WALK

Day 2: PAINT

Day 3: WARDROBE

Day 4: BREW

Day 5: SILENCE

Day 6: YOU

Day 7: FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY PROMPT

Day 8: MUDDLE

Day 9: POST-IT

Day 10: UNKNOWN

Day 11: THANKS

Day 12: SKY

Day 13: AWARE

Day 14: FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY PROMPT

Day 15: MOVE

Day 16: LITTLE

Day 17: STUDY

Day 18: NEIGHBOR

Day 19: NOTICE

Day 20: WEEKEND

Day 21: FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY PROMPT

Day 22: OFF

Day 23: BLOWOUT

Day 24: GLOBAL

Day 25: SIGN

Day 26: CONFRONT

Day 27: BOUQUET

Day 28: FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY PROMPT

Day 29: DATE

Day 30: CUT

Day 31: ONLY

Listen (Five Minute Friday)

**9/16/16 - edited to fix the description of good ear vs bad ear and the location of my helper. Short story: helper brings bad ear up to similar level of "good" ear so that I sort of have stereo hearing like most folks.




HA HA HA HA. I am chuckling to myself - out loud - as I see the prompt for this week emerge. Big news in my home this week, and I was debating how widely I would share it. Then the prompt arrived: LISTEN. And I thought - well there's my answer.

This week, I got a hearing aid. I know hearing isn't the same as listening - words can go in one ear and out the other as we wait for our time to respond. People can hear what you say and not process it - not give it credibilty  - and therefore they're really not listening to you.  You can hear and not listen. In fact, that's fairly easy - and common - especially when you're in a hurry, or too many kids are talking at the same time, or there are things to do, or .. or .. or...

BUT - it is much harder to listen if you cannot hear. I've had significant hearing loss in one ear for several years. Onset in my early 20s and progressed after each pregnancy. Until the past year or so, my good ear could bridge the gap in what my bad ear failed to hear. And so, if I positioned myself in a group with the good ear towards the conversation - if I sat close to the people I needed to hear when we were in a crowded setting - if I turned down the TV when the kids were talking to me - then I was doing OK. I could hear the important stuff.

In the last year, the good ear started to worsen. (thanks random genetic condition that no one in my family actually has/had noticeable symptoms other than me, as far as I know...) I had to ask the girls to repeat themselves often. To the point of their frustration and mine. Driving somewhere in the car was awful, as the road noise filled the "good" ear and the kids had to shout from the back seat. They sometimes even gave up trying to get me to understand them, as the repeating was tiresome. We finally resorted to ... stop, come to mommy and look me in the eyes so I can watch your mouth while you talk." Not fun, right? Terrible when driving. Horrible when outside in the yard.

So, I decided that turning 40 was my cue to finally do something about it. I now have a wonderful (and very small! You might not notice it, if I didn't even point it out!) helper. It assists the "bad" ear back to a level that it hasn't known in some time. So the "good" ear doesn't have to work so hard - and so I hear stuff on both sides. And when I came home with my helper on Tuesday, I noticed a difference right away. The girls can be behind me and I can hear them. Whispers - I can hear them! We watched TV (the Nats were on) and instead of the volume up so loud that the kids can hardly tolerate it and I could barely hear it (17-20 on the dial) we can watch the game on level 6!!! The girls turned on the TV and started to raise the sound, and I had to say TURN IT DOWN. They were thrilled. Dinner conversation has been easier. We can talk when driving to soccer practice. (There's even a special program in my helper to extra dampen the road noise so the kids can talk in normal volumes in the car).

I hear keys clacking on a keyboard. Water boiling on the stove. Plastic bags rustling in the pantry. Sounds I had forgotten even existed.  I can watch a movie and not have to sit 2 inches from the TV to be able to keep the sound at a level that doesn't wake the girls after bedtime. It is remarkable how much I was missing and didn't even know, as I've been used to life without it for so long.

For the first time in years, the girls feel like I am available to listen to everything they want to share - because they, and I, no longer have to work so hard at the hearing part.

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Linking with Kate and the Five Minute Friday crew ... join us here.

Grow (Five Minute Friday)

Welcome to Five Minute Friday (which seldom happens on Friday for me) where we get a prompt from Kate, write for 5 minutes on whatever it is (edit free - my favorite part because typos are allowed) and then link up (here) and share our writing and encourage others writing in the community.

GROW

(note: I started this post twice. Once on Thursday night and again on Friday. Each time I made it one sentence before something needed my attention and I didn't even manage to squeeze in 5 minutes. So ... third time is a charm?)

We had 2 days of sunshine in a row. HOORAY - we are tired of stereotypical Pacific northwest weather around these parts. 17 days in a row was enough, thank you very much. Except it returns tomorrow. SIGH.

Rain is so needed - to help the plants grow, to help the pollen get out of the air (you are welcome allergy sufferers), to keep the creeks full and the fish happy and such. And yet, too much rain can ruin the very things it is trying to help. Trees get soggy roots and the ground is soft and then they fall over. Creeks flood and the fish are out of the banks and then when the waters recede, the fish can be stranded. Unless someone comes along to put the fish back, it could wither and die on the bank.

And so I've been thinking about how it is with people. Experiences and circumstances help us to grow - moving to a new place, or starting a new job, or even having an argument with a friend. A little at a time, even a steady diet of growth is useful and teaches much. But if you get too much - if you get a monsoon, or a flood, then sometimes the things that keep you grounded come unglued. Your patience for handling conflict - it snaps and then you say words you regret. And then when the rain clears, you are caught like the fish - in the dry pocket. No apparent way back.

If you're lucky, someone will come along and pick you back up - toss you back in the stream and you can swim again.

Today, I had the chance to reflect. Some dear friends of mine have been my "fish rescue squad" and I am thankful that they could bridge the gap from my dry landing zone and whooosh me back into the stream for my next adventure.

STOP.

The Extra Mommas

We do a really, really good job at celebrating the moms in our lives for Mother's Day. My mom is one of the most amazing women I know, and I am so thankful for the blood, sweat, tears, and love that she poured into my brother and me.  I also had two incredible grandmothers who lived until I was well into my 20's and a great grandmother that I was lucky enough to share close to 11 years with.

My girls have me, my mom, their other grandma, and now also a stepmom and a step grandma, and we love them and teach them and encourage their little hearts to grow into big hearts. That's a lot of great mom power loving on my kiddos.

But as I sit here tonight, I am thinking of the not-mom moms that my girlies have as well. The aunts, and the almost aunts. The baseball aunts and the neighbor aunts and the church aunts. We don't call them all aunt, but that is the role they fill ... and in my view aunts are just as important as moms. These ladies didn't give birth to my girls but they love them as if they did.    They often have special names ... and those of you who don't have a special name yet ... just wait. You will.

You love on my kids and hug on them and teach them. You listen to them talk and ask a million questions. You answer them patiently, sometimes long after my patience has run out. You share laps and nachos and ice cream cones and popcorn. You share laughter and hugs and tears and smiles. You share baseballs and pencils and bobbleheads and blankets and rain delays. You carpool and give snacks. You teach them Bible verses and you demonstrate compassion. You cheer their success and you encourage where they fall short.  You put your actions where your words are and your heart where your actions are ... and you make the words "it takes a village" ring true in my life every day.

Single mom mode is hard. And you all step up to the plate every day to make it easier. To fill in where I can't and to supplement even what I can ... to help my girls become better little people everyday. Because of you, our lives are richly blessed in ways I never could have imagined.  

THANK YOU. 

To you: Miss Michelle, Aunt Michele, Miss Lisa, Angry Piggy, My Little Pony Lady, Mrs "Mr England", Butterfly Glasses Lady, Miss Kristy, Miss Keyona, Miss Anna, Miss Dianna, Miss Lisa, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Caron, Aunt Betsy, Aunt Linda, Miss Melissa, Miss Kathleen, Miss Beth, Aunt Jill, Miss Jocelyn, Miss Dorie, Miss Julee, Miss Julie of the gross orange shoes, Miss Virginia Beach Stefanie, Miss Tammy, Aunt Erika, Miss MaryAnn the cat lover, Miss Trader Jennifer, Miss Lainey, Miss Laurie, "the other" Miss Laurie, Miss Susan with the great hair, Miss Renie, the dance Miss Leslie ...  

and to the countless other women that I failed to list here:  to you who love my children EVERY SINGLE DAY  ... from the bottom of my heart, Happy Not-mom Mother's Day to you. I celebrate and salute you. 

Whole (Five Minute Friday)

Welcome to another edition of Five Minute Friday: the online blogging community where we get a prompt, write for 5 minutes flat (no edits / no backtracking) and then link up together and encourage the others who write alongside us.

Join  us here at Kate's place.

This week, the prompt is WHOLE.

We have been waiting the whole offseason for this: the return of baseball to our town. The Nationals opened Monday on the road in Atlanta and Thursday afternoon at home here in DC. The countdown has been on since the season ended.

We had the perfect storm of everything on Thursday tryin to derail our game plans. This mama and my 2 girls would have none of that. We were GOING to get to this game. We had to leave later than we planned because A had her school performance that day. They do 2 shows during the school day (she did both) and one for parents at night (I went to the afternoon show and we skipped the night one. Her dad was away and I videoed it and it did not count for her grade in the evening). So on we go to baseball .

First adventure: TRAFFIC.  We were stopped awhile so I got this lovely shot of the Washington monument. We drive by it on the way to nearly every game. usually traffic is moving so we only see it. But this day we got to park. And photograph while we waited. 

We normally arrive WELL BEFORE the game, so we can see the opening day festivities. there was a flyover (we saw it standing in line at the gates to get in). There was a big flag on the field (friends got lovely photos). The Clydesdales were there (the kids don't even know this, because I didn't want the whining that they missed it). BUT: we made it to our seats before first pitch. I will count that as a WIN.

the view as we waited for the teams to take the field

 We had 1 1/2 innings of crazy. Marlins jumped out to 3-0 lead. Nats tied it up in bottom of the first (thank you Daniel Murphy). Then after 1 1/2 innings the skies opened up. Downpour. Hail. So fun. (not really. except we made it that way). We scrambled for cover ... the girls chose the landing zone. The bathroom. Of course. There was space ... and we were not *in a stall* - there is room to hang out. Of course we had just gotten our dinner, so yes, we ate pizza in the bathroom. It was dry, we were safe, the pizza was delicious and some friends came to hang with us in the bathroom. (Of course the ladies room, so some other friends were disappointed that they could not join us. I will plan better next time. Of course, we would rather not have a rain delay, but anyway...)

Then we came out and hung out under an overhang with some more friends and then the skies behind the park started to clear. And we were treated to a beautiful rainbow. A loved it so much she would not even turn around to smile for the photo. She had a point...

The grounds crew cleared the tarp and got the field ready to resume the game. And the skies cleared and the runs resumed, and the night grew cold. The Marlins were ahead 6-3 and then Bryce Harper hit a HR and it was 6-4. Somewhere in there we got ice cream, even though it was about 25 degrees colder than when the game had started (because when you have waited since October for ice cream at the ball park and you are a kid ... you get the ice cream anyway) 

after the storm

being silly (AKA how we roll all the time)

then it drizzled some more. and was windy. and the kids were TIRED

 The game went on, later than planned (thanks rain) and the kids grew tired. A (the little one) started begging to go home. S said "mama, we stay the WHOLE game. And she's right ... 95% of the time we stay for the whole game. But little sister was exhausted from her day, and it was well past bedtime at the end of the 7th inning ... and look at this face.  So we left, much to S's chagrin.

But, just before we headed out, an old friend from my Vanderbilt band days stopped by ... 20 years later we are still repping our school with pride, and enjoying our newly shared love of the Nats as well.

While we didn't make the whole game, we had a whole day's worth of fun packed into the time we had. And we will be back Saturday ... and many days after that. Because the season is new and we have a whole summer of fun ahead of us.

Have You Considered

I got into a somewhat combustible conversation today. It was about the election (surprise, surprise. Seems to be a lot of that going around). Lots of frustrated words flying and lots of perspectives crossing right past each other, no common ground.

Anyway, then I had this thought. Too long to tweet in one entry, and too important to me to risk the separate tweets not being strung together in the correct order or taken out of context.

So ... here it is:

When you see an article or video that relays something that purportedly was done to, or said to, or said about a woman ... by any candidate, or any member of their staff ...

before you speak your opinion, do you consider what if that woman was YOUR mom/wife/sister/daughter/girlfriend?   Do you think: "If it were someone close to me, would I still take the position I am taking? Would I still say the words I am saying?  Would I still say that woman was acting out of line, inapporpriately, overstepping bounds, asked for it, etc."

If you would ... if you would have the same view whether it was your mom or not, then by all means, carry on with whatever you have to say.

But ... if you would not... if you think to yourself: "if that was MY sister, or MY daughter, I would never say what I have been saying (or was about to say)" ... then perhaps you should pause. Rethink your comment. Because that woman ... EVERY woman ... is someone's mom/sister/wife/daughter. She deserves the same treatment you'd give, and want shown, to your own.

Surprise (Five Minute Friday)

Time to pause for 5 minutes and share ... 5 minutes on SURPRISE.

My girls left last weekend for spring break. 10 days with some combination of daddy, stepmom, grandma, and grandpa... and zero days with mom. 10 days is a long time and I miss them something fierce. Tonight is night 7 and I am thankful that we are almost at the end.

My oldest, S, had run back into the house before we went to school in the morning and then as we walked she made sure to tell me:

S: mom. will you go to the bathroom today?
me: umm, yes. I go every day? Don't you?
S: yes. but mom. you need to go to your bathroom. up all the stairs to your room.
me: why that one?
S: there is a SURPRISE for you mom. On the counter. Make sure to check on the floor in case the kitties moved it
me: ok ...
S: you will see mom. It will be easy to tell.

Dropped the kids off, and then made sure to visit that particular bathroom when I got home. Sure enough, on the counter was her new bracelet - that she'd gotten that week from Nana for a St. Patrick's Day trinket. With it was a note:

dear mom: please wear this bracelet every day we are gone. We will miss you a lot and this way you can remember us every day during spring break. I love you, Love, S

And so, as we approach the end of Day 7, I am thankful for a bright green elephant bracelet, and kids to miss, and that they miss me and make the time to know that this is hard but OK when we are apart.



Linking up with Kate and the Five Minute Friday crowd here. Join us. We'd love to share the community with you.

Share (Five Minute Friday)

(The five minute friday rules: write, unedited, for 5 minutes. link with the group at Kate's place (see bottom), and then read the post before yours and leave some encouragement for a fellow writer. Join us!)

 
Go.
I got some news last week that made me sad. Made my heart hurt. And then later on I read some news articles about the election. And those, too, made my heart hurt. There is a lot of hate and anger and negative energy and name calling happening. I grew up around politics. People used to hold protests in my front yard for crying out loud. The disagreements go back as far as the existence of people really. But I don't recall (granted, I am only 39) this level of flat out ridiculousness.

And so with this week's prompt I am going to share some thoughts.

Just because you and I don't support the same candidate does not make one of us right and the other one wrong. We can disagree and still have a healthy dialogue - about issues, about choices, about candidates, about the direction in which we should go. And at the end of the day , we can still be friends.  Different perspectives is part of what makes the world better. If everyone had the same opinion about everything life would be dreadfully boring. There would be nothing to talk about.

BUT ... talk. Discuss. No need to yell, shout, threaten, and belittle. I am trying to teach my kids to do better with this, and I need to do better with this, and in fact everyone needs to do better with this. You don't need to convince me to join your side. And if you do, or if you even want to try, here's a little hint: yelling at me isn't going to do it.

Unrelated to politics, but very related to talking: sharing is part of what we are all here for. Grieving: call a friend and share a cry. Get terrific news: call a friend and share your squeals of delight. Have a hard day - don't isolate yourself. There are people who will listen. Whether it's listening to you talk about whatever happened, or listening to you talk about anything but what happened. Or go, sit with someone, cry on their shoulder or get a hug and just sit in silence together. Something. Anything. Find a place to share ... because if you try to walk through life 100% alone, eventually something (big ... or small ... or small but it feels big because you can't see around/past/through it) will hit you that you can't do alone. Can't face alone. Or just can't bear to think about alone. When that time comes, I pray you have someone to share with, or someone to talk too. There's a hotline. There are people ... friends, neighbors. co workers. counselors. family.

Find someone. Share something. Call for help. Someone will be there.

Stop.

Resources for help

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Or go here and click to chat.

Someone is there, ready and waiting to help you.



Sharing as a part of the Five Minute Friday community hosted by Kate. Join us there every week.

Forgiveness

I saw an article today about how Bryce Harper has forgiven Jonathan Papelbon for "the incident", but questioning if the fans have done the same.

I've been wrestling with this for months. Having a player choke another player on the same team (or anyone really ...) is TERRIBLE. Inappropriate, unprofessional, assault ... call it what you want, it's just lousy. The player who was choked said they worked it out and it's ok moving forward. But ... the incident happened in the dugout. And was caught on TV. Not excellent. The fans were in an uproar. Myself included. After all, if I choked someone at work because I was annoyed with something they did, or did not, do, I would be fired in a hot jiffy.  And I was mad the Nationals didn't do the same.

He was suspended (rightly so, in my opinion), and he already had a reputation for being a jerk. There were public incidents towards fans when Papelbon played for the Philadelphia Phillies and whatnot. I was not excited when he came to DC, but I tried hard to give him a clean slate, let him prove that he wasn't the jerk the media made him out to be. And then he confirmed my worst fears when this happened.

Now I had a player on the team - the team my girls and I love - who was a bad example. I know we can't expect people to be perfect. And we can't place athletes on a higher pedestal, because they are just people, after all. So, we had quite a few conversations - my little girls and I.

They included things like "mama, why would Pap hurt Bryce? Is he OK?"

to which I responded "Yes, he is OK, and it is never right to touch someone when you are mad at them."  

Kiddo reply: "Oh, mama, you mean like when we [sisters] fight – how we should use words, not hands?"

Right.  That.  And then later, when Pap made his apology to Bryce (and the article that came from there) ...

"Mama, that was good that Bryce forgave him. Should we do that?"

And I responded that we need to try. That Bryce was setting a good example by forgiving and moving on to the new season. But I didn't try really hard.

And a few weeks later, one asked me "Mom, why is Pap still on our team? He was so mean. Can't we trade him or something? Why are the other guys gone ... like Jordan (Zimmermann) and Desi (Ian Desmond) and Craig (Stammen) but the meany guy is here?"

Setting aside the nuances of free agency and also not the same position / same role ... I didn't have a good answer for that. Frankly I wanted him traded and I didn't care what we had to do in order to make that happen because I was steamed.

Flaming mad, actually, because of this quote "My mistake was doing that in the dugout in front of a camera," (whole article)

But today, I saw the new post. And someone asked "if the players have, why can't the fans?"  And my immediate reaction was that Pap had never apologized to the fans.  Yes, he apologized to Bryce ... but we ALL saw it. The fans in the ballpark; everyone watching on TV; and later everyone with internet access or ESPN or anything ...the clip was everywhere. Choke-holding the MVP doesn't really get by under the radar when it's caught on camera.

Then someone asked if the fans deserved an apology. I don't know that we do. But the quote from above ...  "My mistake was doing that in the dugout in front of a camera" …THAT made me mad. You should be sorry you DID it. Not just sorry that everyone saw it. Not just sorry that it happened on TV. To me, the where was not important, the WHAT is what mattered.

And then I was reminded of my real life. The one outside of baseball. Where I learned that forgiveness is not for the offender ... it is for the one who was wronged. My ex-husband had an affair. I found out. Eventually I told him that I knew. And he told me he was sorry that I found out. To this day, he has not apologized for his actions - for the hurt it caused, for the eventual consequences that we are all still living with. He just said he was sorry that I found out.

We've worked through it; he's moved on - new wife, new family. He's great with my girls and they all love my kiddos a lot. And for a long, long time I wrestled with forgiving him. How could he do that to me? To our kids? To our family? And then eventually I did some soul searching. What was I gaining from still holding a grudge? From still being angry? Nothing, really. I finally reached the conclusion that forgiveness does NOT mean the same thing as forgetting. And it does NOT mean the same thing as condoning the behavior.  It just means that my heart could stop reliving the anger and the frustration every single minute of the day. I could stop spending so much time thinking about someone who was so hurtful. I could start to heal.

And then I was able to forgive him. I still have some hurt feelings. I still wonder why he did it. I will never condone the behavior because it's cruel and wrong and I have seen first hand what it did to me and the decisions we have to make with our kids every day. BUT.  I was able to let it go ... even though he never told me he was sorry. Move on. Start a new chapter. Function on my own and not be torn up about it all the time.

My kids ask about their dad and why he doesn't live with us any more.  "Dad made some choices and now our family looks different, but we both still love you with our whole hearts. When you are ready to talk about it more, you can ask daddy."  And we move on, and that works for them. The example is there. The behavior is there. And hopefully we've all grown enough now that the experience helps us make better decisions in the future.

And so, I reflect on that. If I can forgive him ... he who said to me "I am sorry you found out" ... for that personal hurt, then why can't I extend the same forgiveness to a ball player I've never met? Yes, he's on my team. Yes, I disagree with his actions. Yes, I think it stinks that he's apparently (to us) only sorry that we saw it happen.

But. ... the team is ready to move on. So, too, should I.

So, Jonathan ... here I am. Ready to put it behind me. I hope that you choose to act in a way that's better in the future - I would much rather you be an example to my kids this year of "I did wrong but now I am doing right" than to repeat the same mistakes of the past. But, that's for you, not for me.

Forgiven.

Let's play ball!

Present (Five Minute Friday)

It's been nearly a month. I have missed writing. I have had a few Thursdays of crazy, however, every day hasn't been crazy ... so I could have made time. I didn't. Shrug. It happens.

Anyway, I will squeak in just under the deadline here, with last week's post on PRESENT.

(For a refresher, the rules of FMF are
1. Write on the word of the week: 5 minutes, no editing, typos allowed and encouraged
2. Link with the rest of the FMF community over at Kate's place
3. Visit and comment on the post of the one who linked before you. (and if you are an on time poster ... ha, not my strong point, consider coming back later in the week to love on the ones who post late. like me).


PRESENT

Go.
Last week we got hit with a monster snowstorm. Blizzard. Call it whatever you want. We've been in a mess for 6 days now. It started Friday at noon and didn't stop snowing until Saturday after I went to bed. 35 inches later (no, that is not a typo), the big dig out began. School is out. Until next Monday. (my brain cells are diminishing by the day ... we finally managed to get out of the neighborhood today. For the first time in a week).

neighbor 1 and his little playing on our path

In the midst of the storm ... I received 3 lovely presents. The first: a gift from my neighbor on the right. I shoveled before I went to bed Friday, but then while I slept the wind howled and the snow piled up. By Saturday morning, my front door was snowed in. With the storm door, I never would have been able to get out. He graciously came out and while clearing his sidewalk and steps, he came all the way to mine and dug me out. I am so thankful for the time he spent to make sure I could get out safely.

The second: more time from that neighbor AND time from the neighbor 3 doors down. Our townhouses have a yard behind them, and then a garage behind that. The garage door (the car entrance side) opens on to an alley. An alley which didn't get plowed until Tuesday at 10pm. Remember the 35 inches of snow I mentioned?  My wonderful sweet neighbors (after shoveling their own garages out) joined me Sunday afternoon and helped me clear mine. Shoveled right down to the pavement (WOOT!).  That was A LOT of snow to move, but with their help we managed it in just a couple of hours.

The third: my neighbor on the left. He recently had cataract surgery. We all took turns shoveling out his steps and sidewalk since he could not. He came over Monday  afternoon when the roads finally had *a little* progress and asked if we needed anything. What a blessing for him to return with a gallon of milk for us. Could we have survived a few more days without any more milk? Sure. But did it make it a million times easier to have some? Absolutely.

So ... in the midst of the crazy ... I am thankful for the present of wonderful neighbors. Folks who band together and help each other out. Kindness goes a long way.

Stop.

(Photos from the crazy).

not the final measurement. GOOD GRIEF

streets were untouched for days

the picket fence down the block (Saturday night)

my garage Sunday (before)

neighbor  2 helping

the garage AFTER (neighbor 1 and both his littles)

the pharmacy parking lot . we walked and then climbed it 

we also built snowmen. Life sized for all of us.

and we made a dugout with the help of another neighbor

and played snow baseball. because ... 21 days until pitchers and catchers, my friends!