Journey (OneWord365 February check in)

The link up started Tuesday, so I nearly missed the party. But not quite! Amy is hosting a monthly series on the 3rd Tuesdays, to have an accountability tracker, or at least a progress update, for her OneWord365. I joined last month and was glad for the quick status check on my journey. We will see if I can keep it up all year. (My stellar blogging on time record, you know?!)

I finally sat down tonight to reflect on the changes, or progress, since last time. My word is JOURNEY. And I had anticipated slowing down this year - spending more time focused on how I was getting places; how I was moving through life, rather than on the end destination. It led to lots more quality time with my kiddos (we were at 5 snow days the last time I reflected. Now we've had 13. That's 8 more. We all still have some degree of sanity, so that's a journey score!).  I have also noticed considerably less stress in a few situations with my ex and his new wife (another journey score! plus 2 scores on the grace 2013 tally sheet. I will keep that record growing!)

I've also been weighing some other things in my life (no, this is not an annoucement of "I got a second tattoo in as many months".  I am quite happy with just one for now.). And I had been praying for wisdom, as well as patience. Praying for a way to stick with where I was because of the things I saw that wanted me to stay. But then I changed how I was praying - I was feeling more and more unsettled. And, true to His promises, my prayers were answered. Much faster than I expected (sidebar ... am I the only one continually amazed at how fast prayers can be answered? I so often think that I will have to labor over a request for months on end. And sometimes that's the case, but sometimes it's a fast response. And I'm always blown away.)  

I started asking for clear direction - for a catalyst to help me know whether I should stay with the status quo (familiar, comfortable, and nothing specifically wrong ... but just not what I NEED right now) or if I should seek something else - something that would meet the need. And within 2 weeks of the change in how I was asking, I had an obvious answer. One thing after another lined up in quick succession and it became abundantly clear that the next part of my journey this year involves a step out in faith. I won't sugar coat it - this is a pretty huge step, and I'm feeling unsettled as the destination of this leg is not yet known. I am a planner, and seeking change without a planned destination is not in my comfort zone. (Score one for the stretch factor on my journey). I may not have resolution to this part by the March update - in fact, I expect it is a several month work in progress. But the lack of major milestones in a few weeks does not mean the journey is paused.

In choir practice tonight, we sang these words, from "Bow The Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland.

There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illumines every step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim
And our questions have no answers, turn to Him

Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father when answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand the purpose of His plan, 
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won't cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know. 
When the storms arise, Don't forget we live by faith and not by sight.

Tonight I find myself headed down a dimmer path. Clearly leading away from the familiar on a journey to the as-yet unknown, but I am confident that this is exactly where I belong. I am hesitant in some respects - it is always tough to leave a place of comfort, especially without a new end already on the map. But far outweighing my hesitation is the excitement of the new, unexplored, endless possibilities that the Lord has laid in front of me. So I am stepping out, heading down the dim path, fully seeing that just the first steps are lit up bright as the noonday sun. And that's really the point of the journey - just take the next right step. And then the next step after that. The dim path will grow brighter as I follow close behind the footprints laid before me.


How is your OneWord impacting your year? I'm interested to hear about it!

Small (Five Minute Friday)

Sweet, sweet Friday. Where we pause for 5 minutes to give life to the words inside, and then where we linger over the thoughts bravely voiced by our community of writers. Join us, won't you?

1. Write 5 minutes - no edits, no back tracks - on the prompt.
2. Link up here.
3. **THE UNBREAKABLE RULE** Visit with the one who linked before you: read their words, leave them some encouraging ones of your own.

This week: we write about small.

It's the small things that make all the difference. He notices. He can hear in my voice if it's been a tough day and he asks about it. He sent flowers for Valentine's Day, which was so nice - but that wasn't what made my day great. He called to tell me he was sorry we weren't able to spend the day together, and that he'd make time for us to celebrate another day.

He remembers when I say something in passing - just an off-handed comment about one of the kids having something, or a particular meeting I am concerned about. And he asks about them later. He listens, and remembers.

It's not the nights out doing something spectacular that are my favorites, though I surely enjoy them. It's the small moments. The time we stayed in for a movie and sat up and talked. The night we sat up talking in the parking lot after the ballgame. The day we went for a hike and he brought a picnic. The small, quiet moments where we share thoughts and dreams of the future. The moments we stop and pray together.

When he writes and asks how he can pray for me. When he reads my writing and sends me a message with his thoughts about it. Always noting a small detail in the story I've told, and focuses on that - which shows me that he read the whole thing. That he noticed what I took the time to share. Even the nickname he gave me comes from a little joke we shared one day.

And for me, those small moments - the littlest things he does and says - those are the very best parts of  what he gives me.

Garden (Five Minute Friday)

I'm still late to the party, but better late than never. Especially when the party is building a community center for some kids half a world away. [Phase 1 complete already - how rock star awesome is that?!]

This week, we're sharing 5 minutes on gardens. Then we're linking up here, and leaving some love, and spreading the news far and wide - that everyone giving a little creates a whole lot of giving. WOOT!

Garden

When we sold our house in fall 2012 and moved to a townhouse, the thing the girls and I missed the very most was our garden. We had a lovely large area where we grew tomatoes, strawberries, zucchini, cucumbers, and a whole host of flowers. We tried our hand at broccoli (never took), cantaloupe (beautiful vines, no fruit), squash (grew well but the groundhog always beat me to the harvest) and a few other things that the kids found interesting from year to year.

We always enjoyed running out to see what had blossomed. And fresh picked strawberries on breakfast cereal are the best. The absolute best.

So when we had to sell and move, the kids were crushed. I was, too. The townhouse we lived in all of last year was perfect for what we needed - right near the school., safe neighborhood, still let the girls have their own rooms and held all our stuff while we were in transition, but the one thing it was lacking was ANY outdoor space. Zilch. And we missed that garden all of last summer.

Then one thing led to another and we had to move. Again. That's twice in one year. But The Lord worked it all out and we're still in the same neighborhood, the same school - about 6 blocks from the other place. And now ... we have a tiny little yard, with a perfectly-made-for-what-we-will-grow garden plot.

of course right now it is buried under feet of snow. [Winter drama like we've not seen in years!] But it has the promise of spring - of new beginnings - new experiments - and strawberries on our breakfast cereal once again.

Not Marked

Welcome to my first crack at a book review. I won't do this justice, I'm afraid, as my words can't even begin to unlock description of what I learned reading Mary's book. But, in fulfilling a promise I made, I am continuing my journey - and so forging a new path with this post.

Mary DeMuth's book, Not Marked is intended to provide hope - to help on a journey toward healing after sexual abuse. I agreed to read this and write a review because I know survivors. And I know people who know survivors. But I don't always know how to interact with them when I learn parts of their story. It's sometimes awkward. It's often a difficult subject to broach. And depending on where the person is in their journey of healing, I'm afraid I might hurt (unintentionally) rather than help.

What I learned was eye opening. And heart awakening. And mind boggling. I anticipated finding wisdom about how to help others on their path to healing after having been sexually assaulted (whether as a child or an adult), and there is much of that within these pages. What I did not anticipate was how widely applicable this is to other stories - to other survivors. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Divorce. Abandonment.

Not Marked is a reminder that while your past shapes who you are, that same past does not have to define you. What brings us all to today does not have to dictate where we go tomorrow. The book offers helpful tips to navigate through your story - how to share, with whom to share, and how to find a safe place in which to share. But it also coaches spouses and loved ones of survivors. How you can BE that safe person. How you can encourage your partner / friend to open up as much or as little as they want, in their timing.

The unique perspective Patrick [Mary's husband] brings encourages not just the partners, but the survivors as well. I particularly like how he adds comments at the end of each chapter so you can see them in context. If it was a whole chapter of "the spouse's thoughts" I think it would be lost, or glossed over entirely. In the midst of each step of the journey you gain insight into the other half of the picture. For survivors in a long term relationship and struggling with healing, I imagine this is encouraging - to know another couple is successfully navigating the waters. For the spouses of the survivors - to see that someone else is feeling what you've felt and that you are normal. And to also offer constructive, practical words of advice for how to take the next step.

"Forgiveness is a deliberate decision but it's also an ongoing choice. Forgiveness isn't glossing over or forgetting. Forgiveness is beautiful and powerful because I do remember." ~Mary DeMuth

So much of the book jumped out at me - as readily applicable to my own journey of life after divorce. I was surprised. But the path to healing as a survivor, whatever the circumstance, can be very similar. Forgive those who wronged you. Don't let the circumstance mark you forever - seek the path to overcoming and living without the label. Seek grace - compassion - kindness.

"Each snippet of healing helps you become salve to those who are earlier on their healing path." ~Mary DeMuth

If you're walking a journey of recovery - of healing - from abuse or some other life changing event, there is much to be learned from reading Mary's words. If you're in the midst of loving someone - a friend, a sister, a spouse - who is recovering, there is much to learn about how to encourage their journey to wholeness.

My outlook has changed since reading Not Marked, and I am encouraged  to add what I've learned to my journey forward.

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Mary’s main website is MaryDeMuth.com — Your Life Uncaged.

Not Marked is on Amazon — paperback is here; ebook is here.

Write (Five Minute Friday)

Welcome to Five Minute Friday - where we stop for 5 minutes and pour out brave words on the screen. Lisa-Jo gives us a word, or a phrase. Something to run with. And off we go. 240 plus writers all linking words together.

The rules are simple:
1. set your timer and write for 5 minutes. No edits. No backtracks. Just write. Typos and spelling errors welcome.
2. Link up here with the gang
3. (the only unbreakable rule) go read the post of the one who linked before you and leave a word of encouragement in the comments. That's the heart of the FMF community.

This week: WRITE.

HA. HA. HA. I don't even like to write. At least that is what I believed for a really long time. There's a reason I was a math major, and it;s not entirely because I love numbers. I do, but there are significantly fewer papers required for a math major than say an English major.

But then last year I discovered OneWord 365. And I needed a way to share my thoughts outside the facebook comments of what I was learning. And then I thought I would play around with it a bit. And  then I discovered, that OH. MY. WORD. Something happened and I learned that maybe I do actually like to write. At least when someone gives  me a topic and sets a timer so the end is in sight.

Things I have discovered since becoming a single mom:
1. I might like to write
2. I CAN run a half marathon and survive.
3. I CAN walk 39 miles in a weekend, year after year, for a good cause and because I love it.
4. I CAN run this household on my own, and hold down a full time more than 40 hour per week job and help with homework and bathe the kids and cook and drive in the city. I don't do it all on my own - wothout my faith and God holding me every step of the way I'd fall flat on my face.
BUT it doesn't take my ex-husband to hold the world together. I am independent and a survivor and a warrior and can do it all with grace.
with writing to help me let it out or put it together 5 minutes at a time.

stop.

NOTE: I edited one thing ... "bit" was typed as "but". Which was perhaps interpreted as "butt" and that just didn't work.

Hero (Five Minute Friday)

A special Five Minute Friday this week - where I write for longer than 5 minutes (breaking rule #1) and I do edit the post (breaking rule #2) but I will definitely be leaving love on the pages of the other writers (because we never break rule #3. Link up, and read over here. Community is where it's at!)

I had a post all prepared (in my mind - clearly I didn't write it yet) for this week's prompt. Hero. But something needled at me to wait - to write later in the week even though I had time to do it on Friday, and on Saturday. Why? Why was I waiting? I didn't know. Until today. The prompt this week? 

Hero.

I am a baseball lover. And I enjoy sharing my love of baseball with my family - especially my kids - and my friends. Lots of folks use common interests to share ideas, to meet new people, and to spread a message. Baseball allows me to do a lot of that with a lot of fascinating people - some who I've met in person, some who I hope to meet someday in a real life setting (twitter is great - but sharing a game together is better), and some who I will never cross paths with outside the internet.

This week I have the opportunity to link my Five Minute Party friends with my favorite pastime. And in a way that allows me to spread the word a little bit farther about a real life hero. (or two. or three).

I am honored, and humbled, to announce that I've been asked to serve as a member of the advisory board for the Bob Feller Act of Valor Award. Bob Feller pitched for the Cleveland Indians. As a pro ball player, that would automatically make him a hero in the eyes of kids across the country. But just days after the attack on Pearl Harbor, he enlisted in the US Navy. His love of country superseded his career, and his love of the game.  That makes him a hero in my eyes.

When asked what the most important game he ever won was, Feller replied, “World War II.”

The Bob Feller award honors a current ball player, a Hall of Fame Player, and a Navy Chief Petty Officer, each whom "reflect the values, integrity and dedication to serving our country that Bob Feller himself possessed."

Both of my grandfathers served in World War II. My dad is a US Navy Submarine Service Veteran. I am delighted to have an opportunity to share my love of country, and my love of baseball, in a way that honors our true heroes. The men and women who serve bravely every day - to allow us the freedom to enjoy baseball, writing, our families, and our daily lives without fear.

Justin Verlander with my girls and me

The Inaugural Awards were given in November 2013 at the Navy Memorial in Washington, DC. I was privileged to attend, with my daughters in tow. We were able to meet Justin Verlander, pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, who was the first active player recipient of the award, as well as Chief Petty Officer Garth Sinclair, the first recipient from the Navy. 

This year, I'll be a part of the team making the awards happen. Carrying the tradition forward and making it stronger. Sharing our heroes with each of you. 

Here's a summary of last year's event. (with pictures!) 


For more information about the Bob Feller Act of Valor Award, read here.

And here is the link to Major League Baseball's coverage.