An Open Letter to Vandy Nation

Dear Vandy Nation:

I'm embarrassed and disappointed in the way some of you have acted over the last 2 weeks.

I'm a proud Vanderbilt alumna, and I fly our flag and proclaim my blood of black and gold far and wide. I graduated in 1998 so I'm part of the class that saw 3 football coaches within my 4 years as a student.

I believe in our school and our team. I've cheered through many a lean year and many a 2 win season, and I've been delighted in the huge strides our team has made under Coach Franklin. I believe in following through on commitments, but I also know that sometimes choices and opportunities present themselves, and then plans change. Life happens.

What should NOT change is one's character.  Integrity? Honor? Yes, these should remain even in the face of hard choices.

I can't speak to Coach Franklin's choice to leave us for PSU other than to say he believes it is right for his family. I can't speak to our recruiting class members' choices. Some may stay with us. They believe in Vanderbilt and what we can offer. To those recruits, I'm thankful you've decided to stay. I've not regretted for one second the choice I made to pursue my education at Vanderbilt. Some recruits may choose to follow Coach Franklin to PSU, or to choose another school altogether. To you, I wish you the best with your choice. It's one of the biggest decisions you will ever make - I hope it is the right one for you.

But to you, Vandy Nation.... The alumni and fans who make us what we are, take heed. Before you throw Coach Franklin's words "men of honor" back in his face, consider how you do that. Consider how you interact with our recruits. Consider how you interact with the media. Consider how you interact with the nation.

When you tweet flaming words of anger and hatred, are YOU acting like the "man of honor" you are so blatantly accusing those others of not being? I'm not sure you are. There are lots of ways to express your displeasure without being rude. There are lots of ways to wear the chip on your shoulder without being hateful.

I've got that chip, too. I believe in our school and this program. I believe in Vandy Nation. But I also believe in showing grace, in treating people first like human beings. Respecting their feelings  and their choices. Recognizing that while they may not show their honor by staying where they made a commitment, that doesn't mean I should ever lay mine aside. Even if it is to tell them just that.

Man Up. And Anchor Down.

Jen Kamin Underwood
Class of 1998

Fight (Five Minute Friday)

Once a week, I join this fantastic group of brave writers for a 5 minute writers' flash mob. We get a prompt. We write. We share. We link. We love on each other. It's fun.

I get behind. Some weeks I miss altogether. Some weeks I write right at midnight. Whatever works. It's not about being just right. It's about just writing.

So this week I will write last week's post, miss the link up (because it closed 15 minutes ago), and then I will write again at midnight for the new word. Because tonight I have the energy of a toddler after eating a bag of m-n-m's.

The rules are simple.
1. set your timer, and write for 5 minutes flat. No editing, back-tracking, or overthinking.
2. Link up (yeah, not happening when I am this late)
3. Leave a comment for the one who linked before you. And maybe some others, too. It's all about the community here. Get into that.

Go.

Fight seems a pretty bold word to start off the new year. I'm headed on a journey this year, and fight doesn't seem to fit. At first. Then I realize - I am going to have to fight EVERY day to do this journey. To be deliberate where I spend my time. Fight against the media pull. The social media pull. The "I don't know if my coach is leaving or staying and why can't someone tell me and why isn't there news and why are there 5 million tweets about there not being any news." Fight to get out of all that mess. And just get where I need to be. So tonight, I let the kids stay up a few minutes late. And we read one extra Christmas story - a new one. "The Snow Angel". And right in there I saw myself. And my kids. So I will fight tonight, and every night, to make that time with them. And be thankful for it.

Stop.

Journey

Looking forward to 2014 - it's time to choose a new word for my OneWord365 adventure.

2012 was the year of brave - and I did a lot of things for the very first time, and a lot of things I would never have attempted had that word not been staring me down every morning. 

2013 was the year of grace - and that challenged my heart, my emotions, my attitude every single day. Some days more than others.

2014 - well, I had a word picked out. But I didn't announce it. I had a plan, and the word aligned with the plan and it tied up neatly in a bow. And then it hit me ... the word I was really supposed to use. So out with the plan, and in with the word that's going to drive me this year. Journey. It's not about where I am going. It's not about the end destination - the plan - the tied up neatly in a bow conclusion. It's HOW I go. It's being intentional along the way - stop and smell the roses; don't drum your fingers in impatience at the red light, because maybe you needed to see the lady with 3 little kids and a flat tire on the side of the road. 

As I start 2014, it's going to be a new chapter - a new leg - in the journey through this life, and this time, I'm going to look more at the journey itself, rather than being tunnel visioned toward the end of the trip.

Looking forward to the new adventures it brings.

PS, if you want to choose your own word, it's not too late - just pop over here, give it a look, and pick out the One Word that can change it all.

Grace ... A Year in Review

2013 marks my second year of participation in One Word 365. I've never been fantastic about New Year's Resolutions - making OR keeping them. But the idea of choosing a word - just one word - and considering it all year long, is something that resonated with me.

So how was the year of grace? My ex-husband's new wife came to church with us. More than once. (My kiddos have wonderful hearts to share the news of The Gospel with folks).  And I not only survived, I actually had some conversations with her. It's only small talk, but in a world of a whole lot of hurt, small talk without tears from me was a huge step, and only possible through grace.  We had a few more interactions this year, and while still not easy (I doubt it will ever be easy), I can say for certain that having an attitude up front that I would be gracious and kind to her did make it easier. At least no tears, and the anger is gone. It's amazing how grace - coupled with time - can bring healing.

And I changed my approach with my kids. Deliberately. I think I've mostly been a pretty good mama thus far, even tackling almost all of the parenting totally on my own. But still, I saw things in me I didn't want them to know. Things I didn't want them to learn. And with grace in the front of my choices, I see this changing now - for the better. I'll call that a win.

I also tried to blog this year - at least through Five Minute Friday - which makes my brain do a little grown up, non work related thinking. I intended to do it every. single. week. (HA HA ... intentions gone awry). And then I tried to catch up when I missed. And "do better" the next week. But here's what I found. When I gave myself grace on the weeks I couldn't didn't make time to write, then the thoughts flowed more freely the next time I did sit down. And it turned into something I loved - something I looked forward to each week, instead of the almost dread I felt at the beginning. So I missed a few weeks, but I found a joy in writing - reflecting - that I didn't know I had. I'll call that a win, too.

So as I end another year, reflecting back on where I've been, I will say that grace transformed a whole lot of "could have been really bad" into a whole lot of "what an amazing opportunity". The word popped up everywhere to remind me, and there were a few days where I had to dig deep - spend a lot more time on my knees to find it - but it was ALWAYS there. And lest we end the year without one last reminder of grace, this was in the Christmas bag my girls gave to me.

Looks like a little grace goes a long way toward impacting other people, too. 

Tree (Five Minute Friday)

Catching up. On Fridays we write for 5 minutes. Raw. Then link up with some others and leave a little love.

This week (well, should be for last week) we get to write on "TREE".

Go.

Trees in the fall are my favorite. Vibrant with color, and every one a little different. Catch them in the sunshine and it's a glorious sight to behold. Then a wind storm come through. Or a rain storm. and WHOOSH. All the leaves dropped to the ground in an instant. The tree is bare. And ready to rest through the winter. Dormant. Waiting. For spring when the leaves sprout and give us the beauty of a new beginning. A fresh start.

Hmmm... where has my real life done just that same thing. I'm living through the spring in my heart. After a 4 year winter.

Stop.

Giving Thanks

The Nationals have a great contest running right now. Write a comment on their post and say what you're thankful for. One lucky winner gets their family holiday picture at Nats Park. Sounds cool, right?

What I love most about it is that since it is a "leave a comment" contest, you can read what other people are thankful for. Heartwarming. Pleasant change from a lot of comments that lots of grumpy folks leave lots of places.

So, here's what I wrote - a little look into my "things I am thankful for this year."

This year, I am thankful for:

Family

Friends

Rain Delays that turned into Dance Parties

Curly W’s

A community united despite tragedy

Hugs

Kisses

Tears

Freedom

Sharing Memories of Loved Ones Departed too Soon

Our new home beckoning with excitement; our old home bidding adieu with memories to last a lifetime

Heroes that give of their time to serve our soldiers, sailors, airmen and veterans

Friends who invite us to join in the celebration of those heroes

An entire ballpark singing the National Anthem as one voice

Online screen names that blossomed into real lifefriendships

The opportunity to raise two little Nats Fans with tender hearts who have endless possibilities before them as they grow into young women, ready to face the world, with a love of people tucked inside to guide them through (and a love of baseball carried along the way)

The amazing adventure yet to come

 --------------------

What are YOU thankful for this year?

Truth (Five Minute Friday)

I've been quiet a few weeks. Lots going on. Preparing to move. Saying goodbye to a one-of-a-kind man. Plus the usual mommy-ing, working, and trying to find my long-lost sanity :-)

I missed writing the post a week and a half ago. (the week of grace). And so I decided to give myself some grace, and not be all fretful over having not posted. That worked ok, but I discovered in the past week that I really missed it. I missed taking the 5 minutes to dump my heart on the screen. So this week, as Friday approaches, I am catching up with the post from this past week - because I can't wait all the way until Friday to pause for myself - I need the break. The brain focus. The diversion from the pile of unpacked stuff in my house ... and I need it now.

So, here's my post on TRUTH.
the rules:
1. write for 5 minutes, no editing, typos welcome
2. Link up with the lovely writers popping over to visit on Lisa-Jo's bench
3. Leave a little encouragement for someone else who came on the writing journey this week.

Go.
I try to always write with grace in  mind. I share a lot on here, but nothing I wouldn't want my kids to read someday. Which includes how I reflect on things that happened with some very important people. I'll not lie about stuff, however, words can be chosen carefully to allow others to form their own opinions without the slant I give them in some cases.

And so it is with truth. Someone very special to me - someone who once held my heart - got mixed up in some very unwise choices. It is what it is. I found out, but chose not to confront. Rather, I waited for the truth to come out - for him to face the reality of what was happening. And so it did, in time. As I think about this, years later, I sometimes wonder why I waited, instead of just jumping on the information and taking a different path.

But then I realized this week, that it's the same way with me. I make mistakes - unwise choices - choose the less smart path. And if someone just tosses it in my face, then I get defensive. I try to justify. I ignore the underlying issue - that I didn't make the best decision. And when I figure it out on my own - or rather it comes to light in a way that doesn't put me necessarily on the defensive right away - if it's a useful warning given rather than a blow up confrontation, then lo and behold, I own it. I embrace (sometimes begrudgingly) the need to change. Or fix. Or redirect. Or apologize, or whatever.

And with that recognition, I feel I chose wisely all those years ago to just wait and let it surface in the right timing, instead of the forced timing. He's still not connected the dots, but he will. And my girls will. And I won't have to be the one to do it. Truth learned is better than truth forced upon us.

At least in this house. 

Stop.